The Cheating worry is like a plague. It stays on our minds and we build so much suspicion around it, we actually destroy the relationship merely by suspicion.
We use so much speculation, to the point, our partner actually feels guilty, because of our suspicious, overbearing and accusatory view. Guilty by our mental association!
It is like being accused in an interrogation with a cop, and you know you are innocent, only to be treated like you are guilty. We all have known the innocent to become guilty in such situations.
Often times, our partner is not cheating but being under continual scrutiny, they are not getting much from us, but suspicion, because we are not loving him/her due to our disposition and inquisition, and so they stray. (And they have us to thank for that.)
I was a guest speaker on the radio blog [The Female Solution] regarding “Should Marriage Licenses Expire and Be Renewed Every Year”? http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-female-solution/2013/05/01/the-female-solution One woman called in and said “no”. When asked why, her response was, “That would give my husband a reason to leave me”.
What the hell!!??
Can you read into the implication of the problems she is bringing to her marriage behind her statement? My heart bleeds for her husband. He is in a situation of pure hell, and locked in with no way out.
Honestly, check your deepest feelings, and you will find you are overloaded with the cheating concern for one of two reasons. You are giving a hundred percent, or more, but you feel insecure about yourself in the relationship. Or you are so insecure because you are giving the bare minimal (and rightly so) — if that.
Some of us are falling in the bare minimal category.
If you are giving a hundred percent and your partner is cheating, you are with a person who can not be monogamous. If you can not handle the cheating, do not stay there! Go and do better for yourself and get someone who appreciates your hundred percent and is matching your value. You are simply not compatible with a non monogamous partner.
And no you can not change them. Do not be disillusioned. You do not have the power to change anyone. Even God will not change anyone— against their will. Read the post “ (click here): Prayer with Contingency”
If you are the bare minimal giving partner, you need to get a real clue. You are sending your partner to cheat. You are literally equipping, and validating cheating. Who wants to be miserable?! Who wants to be in a relationship with you, for your own selfish gain, and your blatant demonstration in just how self focused, and entitled you think you are You are playing Russian roulette, and trust me, a storm is coming.
The process for anyone who is suffering from the continual “cheating” suspicion syndrome is (insecurity=fear=your reality).
If you have read the post, (click here): Cheating Monogamy Really, you understand the biological and logical numeric challenges involved in the continual struggle in this society with “monogamy and exclusivity.” In truth the belief system against cheating is not fully supported on any level, with the exception of religion. If you look at our political leaders they too are failing in being monogamous. In truth, the same issue resides in the churches. So you must, at all times, and without fail, bring your best relational game to your partner, because the challenges far out weigh your monogamous beliefs. No slacking. Otherwise, you leave the door open.
Lastly, if you are a partner who continually centers your mind and thoughts on cheating….. are you a cheater and think your partner is cheating, because you are?