“Stubbornness is essentially an entrenched resistance to change. And given that life is all about change, stubbornness is effectively a resistance to life itself.”
If stubbornness is a resistance to life itself, then it is a resistance to everything within life, and this includes a relationship.
This is a very destructive trait. How it works in a relationship is not to be taken lightly. To make matters worse, the stubborn partner cannot see the destruction, because he/she is blinded by ego, selfishness, pride, rigidity and self righteousness.
It is impossible to change when we are blinded by what we need to change.
The decisions of the stubborn are mostly always non inclusive of their partner. If he/she allows input, it will be a waste of time, because the stubborn partner only seeks input to have the final say anyway. This is a form of control. He/She will have the audacity to say, just for the sake of saying, you were asked to give input. He/She takes comfort in the fact you were asked. There is a rebuttal to every way and there is mostly always refute to a new idea.
What is unnerving is he/she never really understands, until it is too late, (if that) the many ways the relationship is being destroyed. Understanding takes insight, and such a perspective is far from one who has a myopic view.
Insight is no where in sight.
Stubbornness has a mental block to seeing and accepting a different or better way. So when it comes to trying to create a resolve, the relationship will spin on the same cycle, and with the same unresolved issues. Resolve can only happen by the approval of the stubborn.
We will find that creativeness, openness and anything relating to newness, renewal, change, modification, and varietal thought or ideas rarely works in the mind of the stubborn one. Being unmovable is more of what he/she is all about.
Pride is a side affect of stubbornness. It is a part of the partner’s false sense of self. The more his/her way is accepted, the more validation of being right he/she feels.
This is how the delusion starts to takes root.
I’ve seen stubborn husbands, wives, and partners in leadership roles. I’ve seen them in organizations and churches. Having a position or being in an organization where they are respected embeds and perpetuates their indoctrination of self righteousness.
Stubbornness has the same long term results each and every time: desertion, withdrawal, frustration, relationship failure and ostracization from the ones they Love. The “I am right” myopic perspective simply becomes unbearable.
The person in the relationship with a stubborn partner, gets tired of the fight, and begins to shut down. This starts the break down of the communication channel. Fighting with stubbornness only ends with stubbornness. It is simply easier to give in. This poses a bigger problem. Giving in, creates a false perception of acceptance. The perception of accepting stubbornness perpetuates the behavior.
In truth, the partner is allowed to be this way. His/Her partner permits stubbornness. Of course it is more peaceful to accept the stubborn partner’s way. Now, both partners are the reasons for the relationship failing. One provides the destruction. The other allows it.
Being in this relationship means many self sacrifices. It guarantees a limited experience in enhanced thought, progression and emotion. Love may be present, but boredom with rule with predictability. Frustration will dominate the relationship due to inflexibility. Stubbornness minimizes their partner by making the final ruling on what is and what will be.
Stubbornness appears strong, due to the firmness and rigidity on the stand he/she believes. But in truth there is weakness, insecurity, and fear to adapting to new environments and continual change. Being blind to self is one of the reasons why a change cannot come.
These destructive actions bear the question if the relationship is really built on Love?
Stubbornness has different ways in which it is worn, but the results are still the same. One variation is outright obstinance and control. Another is methodical and calm. Another variation is the stubborn partner, who will listen, with minimal fight or response. Regardless, you will either feel that you were heard, but adamantly dismissed. Or there will always be an excuse, along with garbled logic as to why your input was minimized, disregarded or tossed. Bottom line? One sided decision.
Try asking the stubborn to shift a focus or a particular view, they will immediately become defensive in thinking you are asking for them to change.
Dealing with this partner type comes with a host of characteristic flaws. It takes a lot of yielding with minimal and empty returns. The moodiness of the stubborn is a lot to bear. Eventually, the time will come, when the yielding partner gets tired of being tired, and simply leaves.
Leaving actually provides a sense of freedom and a new world of unlimited options and possibilities!
There is only a temporary solution, because in the end the long term solution lies in the hand of the stubborn partner who needs to make many changes. Dealing with a stubborn partner will take lots of patience, humility, a separate life, understanding, and insight to see the layers of insecurity, with the patience to cope, and the hope to hold on for a change or modification in the boxed mind of a partner who is ultimately resistant to life.