Relationship: Am I The Wrong Partner?

Wrong Partner2

Perhaps no one has told you. You are the wrong partner.

How many relationships have you had and your ex says you were the cause of him/her hating the opposite sex? How many hearts have you broken causing someone to never really love again?  How many relationships have you repeated the same argument? Had the same bad behaviors and the same results? How many of your relationships ended the same way— in anger?

It is not the relationship. It is not the other person.  It is you.

You are the wrong partner. Yes, you are creating damage to others, and most of your relationships end because of you.

Look inside yourself. How do you handle your partner? Is it with love, care and concern? Are you selfish and just need to be with someone in order to avoid being alone? Why are you really in a relationship if you are not loving and caring?

Do you try to learn your partner? Do you take time and talk to him/her about their perspective on life, the past, their goals, and vulnerabilities. Or do you just judge and criticize without understanding?

How are your disagreements? Are they mostly in anger to the point where you do not solve most arguments? Are the arguments highly dramatized, or are they directed towards giving and taking in the areas of listening and talking? What have you learned about your partner at the end of each disagreement? Does the argument end peacefully or does it end where you are distant and cold?  Does it take time for you to warm up again? Why can’t you talk about it, resolve it, and get over it?

When have you said the words, “This is my fault”.  When was the last time you apologized? How many times have you pushed aside how you felt and made peace because there was something in the equation bigger than your feelings?  Or is it your partner who makes the peace, because he/she cares about the relationship?

Are you so selfish that everything is all about how you feel? Are you capable of seeing another’s point of view? Or is it all about you?  Are you entitled? Do you think your partner is wrong all of the time?

Do you know how to resolve anything? Do you even try?

Are you controlling and dominating all the time?  If the results are not as you see it, do you become upset that it is not the way you think it should be?

Are you loyal to the relationship enough to make it work? Or are you loyal to only yourself?

Are you easily flustered? Must your partner accommodate your frustration in order to avoid an argument? Do you take the time to explain?  Are you an angry partner? Do you work on yourself in order to work through your anger; or is everything you are angry about the fault of everyone else? What fault of your own lies in your life? Do you know why you are angry? It has nothing to do with your partner. You went into the relationship harboring anger.

Are you giving or are you a taking?  Do you take advantage of your partner? Does your partner feel used? Have you even considered or asked how he/she feels— especially if they give and are there when you need them?

Do you take ownership of the relationship when it is weak and take the initiative to fix or work it out? Or do you have too much pride and shun your partner until he/she fixes it?

Are you capable of opening your heart?  Does your partner feel your love?

Are you pushy, boisterous, and loud? Are you the drama maker?  Do you push your partner to anger?  Do you silently brood and have a tendency to shut down? This makes you the silent killer of communication.

Do you disrespect your partner, by opening your mouth and saying anything, without a filter or regard for his/her feelings, yet you demand respect?

If you rarely apologize— you are not the solution.  If you think your partner is wrong most of the time, you are not the solution.  If you cannot see he/she is hurting, you are not the solution.  If you can walk away from the relationship, knowing you are the problem, you are not in the relationship to build; you are in it for some self gratification.

You must identify your faults, rather than focus on your needs.  Take time to identify your same behaviors that come up again and again.  Note that you get the same results, again and again.  This cycle reflects very little to no growth on your part.  You can change each behavior, one action at a time, as situations arise.  Choose to be the solution.  Start fixing things.  Begin by apologizing and admitting fault.  The answer to you and your relational problems reside right within your heart.  Open your heart and allow Love in.  The answers you find will make you a good partner.

It takes courage to see truth and repair the damage you have done.

About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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