The Face vs The Place of a Relationship

We long for a relationship, particularly in the summer, because we see couples together.    They appear so happy, we want what they have.

Do we really?

There is a big difference between the face of a relationship and the actual place where that relationship is.

The place can be turbulent, nearing the end, abusive, or masked with a facade of happiness, while one or both partners are cheating.

Next time take a deeper look.  Look beyond the face. It is the actual place of the relationship you want to gauge whether you really want what you think you see.

I observe couples closely. I can’t help it, as I am an observer. And to make matters worse, sometimes I can feel what others feel. And if I look you in the eye, I oftentimes can size you up, accurately. Let’s face it, we all have this. It is a gift or a natural ability we have. Depends on how you look at it.

It is rare that I see a “happy” couple.  It is rare I see a couple that is fully and sincerely engaged with each other.

When you see a couple kissing and groping hard and heavy in public, you must wonder if they just got back together or if they had a big fight and are riding high on a make-up tide right now.

This is not to say it applies to every couple, but a solid and happy couple has more of the intimacy, communication, synergy, and energy down, which is evident, without any demonstrative effort in display; and very few of them do the groping, like they need a room.

Whether you are going in to a relationship, coming out of a relationship or even staying in a relationship, it should be a unique and logical decision that only surrounds your situation. Not because of what you “think” you see in couples portraying the face of the relationship. The actual place and value of that relationship is crucial to its continuance, happiness, and stability.

You have seen it: A woman with her man, talking, and he looks incredibly bored! Have you ever seen the look on some men that says, “Someone please put me out of my misery”?  You can tell she chatters all of the time, uselessly, boring him to no end. That is not a happy relationship.  You have seen this one too: A man talking and appearing to be in control, and the woman (we are often so transparent), is saying, to herself, something like, she cannot wait to start her day when she dumps this man off at work.

Finally, you have seen this, although not often: A couple, sitting close, talking in low voices, and looking each other in the eye. Both are really listening to what the other is saying. In some parts of their conversation they are laughing. In other parts they are agreeing together. The synergy and energy is undeniable.  They get off the train and he gently touches her and she touches him in a way that is sincerely intimate.

Now. Honestly? They could be very close and intimate friends. Or they can just be entering into the relationship. Or they could very well be a couple who has been in it for years.

The point is to measure your view, desires and decisions of your relationship not on any facade or what you think you may have observed.

Because just as we are each unique in our own way, so it is in the face and value of our relationships.

You can create the value and the authentic face in your relationship in your own style, place and pace. Just keep it progressive and moving upward.

Or you can be in the interim of a relationship and enjoy your single status, understanding that what you see is mostly not always as it appears to be among couples.

Better yet, you can use what you see as a teacher as to whether you really want to be in a relationship right now, or if you would rather enjoy your single encounters and take your time.

It is the place in the relationship, not the face.

About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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