Prayer with Contingency

We all know what prayer is. Let’s agree that it means the sincerest meditations of the heart. We have heard the statement, “Prayer changes things.” We mostly believe that a group of people, in the spirit of unity, have the power to generate the Laws of Attraction to create a desired result.

Webster defines contingency as, “an event (as an emergency) that may but is not certain to occur <trying to provide for every contingency; something liable to happen as an adjunct to or result of something else.” http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contingency.

When we pray, think about it, it is not always for the impossible. The impossible is not a daily necessary need. We pray mostly for the things we have the power to control. For example, the subjection of our will to do God’s will, (we are willing to change our will to God’s will) an answer to a question in which we already have an idea of what the answer is , or a resolution to a financial problem or desire— we indeed have control over our finances.  If you don’t get control.  There are times we pray for miracles, but this is not every day. You get the idea.

There is a contingency to prayer. The contingency is, “Free Will.” A decision the Spiritual powers have given to every man. There are at least 12 scriptures that support this fact.

There is no power on this earth than can control man. Free Will is so strong, that in order to bend or break a man’s will, he must be subjected to hypnosis, forced action, or a drug.

Prayer cannot be used to create a result that devoids a man of his Free Will. For example, if you find you are dating a homosexual, you cannot change him to be heterosexual. Nothing on this earth can change that, but him. Some scientists would argue that even that cannot be changed.

If you find you are in love with a woman or a man that has no strong will to accomplish anything, to be anything, or does not hold all the principles you hold dear, no amount prayer will change their will, against their will.

If you are truly praying that God will change someone’s mind of a sexual preference, or to make them a better person, to stop them from substance abuse, give them a strong will to make achievements in life, help them to love you and be with you; please, do not put your life on hold hoping for a change in the agreement of Free Will between God and man. We know there are exceptions that happen in the spiritual realm, but they are just that— exceptions. Not common occurrences. Putting your life on hold, or inputting a lot of time in, praying for anything that alters a man’s Free Will, may not be in your best interest.

Some women actually believe they can change a man. This belief may have come from being a mother. We as mother have the ability to shape and guide the lives of the children we raise. This alone could be the reason why there are more women who believe they can change a man, versus men believing they can change a woman. We do not have the power to change the will of another mother’s child. Especially when that child is a full grown man/woman whose life and decisions are his/hers to do as he/she wills.

If we had the power to change someone’s will, would we really want to? Who wants to be with a person who is weak willed and easily controlled? This same person does not have the ability to take the lead on anything, or even be able to identify a lead. If we had the power to change someone’s will why would we want to? What does that say about us? We are barely controlling the things we can in our lives, why are we trying to bend or control the will of someone else?

The goal is to select the best partner with strong capabilities in decision making, strength, courage, goal orientation, and achievement, strong sexuality, as well as someone who share as many commonalities as possible. There is also adaptability, sexual orientation, and love, philosophy of life, value and belief systems to consider. And if these characteristics align with yours, there is still the childhood imprints, the built-in mindset, the impact of past regrets, family values, and reasons for past loves lost that is brought into the relationship. And even in listing all these things— there are the friends, colleagues and enemies you will have to manage and integrate or work through in order to make the relationship with this person a successful and thriving one.  All of this is involved with someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.  This is more than enough.

Hoping and praying for someone’s will to change to do what they need to do and be what they need to be, or change what they need to change to be with you is way more work than you can manage.

Perhaps, rather than trying to control someone’s will, time would be better spent on having a relationship with someone who has the same will power as you to navigate through life and build a strong and lasting relationship.

Continue to pray, but pray with an understanding that your prayer comes with a contingency.

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About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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9 Responses to Prayer with Contingency

  1. Jabbo says:

    Wow! Nat. this can get real deep into the thought that man vs God’s will. You have to believe God’s will is Stronger than man will. If you believe this than man’s will is not free. We are taught in church that prayer changes thing. That’s sincere prayer but if it’s not God’s will to have it done than it wont happen. No, we can not change things but the power of God can. We pray to God hopeing his will is for that person to change. What’s the use of prayer with contingency if we don’t think it can change. Don’t pray at all if you have doubt. Just cut your losses and move on to the next marriage or partner. You’ll find you will expect changes in the next person also.

    • Jabbo!
      Thank you for your post. It is always a pleasure to do intellectual dialogue.

      This is not about man versus God’s will – No! It is about God giving man free will. There are scriptures like, “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live” Deuteronomy 30:19. There are a number of scriptures where God technically warns man, should he make the wrong decision, but the decision is man’s nonetheless.

      God’s will is a strong as the will within us. God never exceeds our individual capacity. If we are weak, so is the God that dwells within us. We are limiting him, true, but we are only as strong as our will. If we are strong, he is just that much stronger.

      Prayer changes all things with the exception of a heart that does not have the will to change. All throughout the bible, particularly the Old Testament, the choice was man’s — “..choose whom ye will serve, …choose life versus death, etc.”, but the choice was man’s.

      As far as relationships are concerned, you can pray and fast all day— all night, but if your partner has not made up his/her mind to choose change, you will be praying until they decide to change— should they decide to change. If they are willing to change, then God will step in and work to create the necessary changes for change. (You make one step, he will make two) There are scriptures where God would change a man’s heart, but these occurred in situations where man submitted at His word, (this denotes a willingness to change) A scripture for this is Ezekiel 36: 26-27.

      And should that partner changes, then yes, you can testify and say God changes things, and he does— when we submit our will to be changed. (You have to submit your will to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior.) You can testify that your prayers were answered; and they were— contingent on the changed will of your partner.

      • Jabbo says:

        To me, this is limiting God’s power. His onipotance is only if we let him be all powerful. I say God have a plan for our life. He knows the begining from the end. He also knows the number of hair on our head. Do he not know the will of our minds?. There is a time for every season. Just because we do not change our minds in the time frame we expect, doesn’t mean God is not in control. I believe man have a choice. The bible also says choose you this day whom you will serve, God or Man. We put a lot of life into our partners that we pray for the wrong things. This I believe why God don’t answer when we pray. Not to say he won’t. The bible also says, love the lord thy God with all thy heart, strength and mind. If we put our partners before God aint no telling what God is allowing your partners to do. We choose man(women) to give us the desires of our heart. Then we pray too God to give man(women) the desires of our heart. The bible says seek you first the kingdom of God and his rightousness and then he will give you the desires of your heart. God can change our heart, mind, so called free will regardless of what we think. He do not need us. I might be looking to deep into the (will) process. You also said Webster’s defintion of contingency: an event(as an emergency) What event will cause a partner to change their decision to act the way you pray for.( I think I said that right.) If your will is contingent on something it’s not free will.

  2. Tina says:

    Love how you addressed the issue on free will. Yes we all have free will. We can only pray and ask that Gods will be done in us. We can’t change anyone. They can only do that for themselves . Love it. Keep them coming Nat. 🙂

    • Jabbo says:

      I agree with you WE can not change anyone. If our will is contingent as webster defines, it’s not free. It’s dependent on an event. I have a problem with man’s free will because that limits God’s power over us. That means he waits on us so His will can be done. That just doesn’t sound right to me.

  3. Hi Jabbo!
    Today’s post was designed to outline the parameter of praying for change. How long is too long? Timing is subjective (per individual) of course. In understanding the timing of change, as you mentioned, although not in God’s time, there is man’s time. Meaning, if you choose to be unhappy in your relationship for 20 years, waiting for your partner to be willing to make the necessary changes, and (let’s not forget) his/her love for you is not enough to want change— maybe you need to weigh your options and consider your emotional and time investment. No one should put half of their life aside for anyone. That is too much to ask.

    We cannot limit how powerful the Universe or God is. We can only limit him in our lives, as far as how powerful (or less powerful) we allow him to operate in our lives. If you think about the works of Apostle Paul, most Christians today, come short by far. So it is based on our capacity.

    There is no expectation with regards to timeline as to when we change our minds. It is never too late; as long as you wake up every morning. But no one should have to put their life aside for an unwilling heart who is not willing to change now or for the last 5 years.

    The purpose of defining contingency, was to align the “clause” if you will, with prayer. You are praying contingent on an event (a will to change) or “something liable to happen as an adjunct to or result of something else” (again your partner’s will to change is the something that must happen before your prayer can be answered.)

  4. Pingback: Suspicious About Cheating? | The Relationship Destroyers

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