Cheating is one of the most controversial and challenging subjects in relationships. The experts make strong arguments from both social and sexual monogamy perspectives, but not from an empirical one.
Empirically speaking (factually rather than theoretically), it is very difficult for experts to support and defend monogamy. Yes, it is difficult. According to the article called, The Argument For Sexual Exclusivity, http://www.salon.com/2011/07/16/monogamy_pro/, there was one biologist, willing to defend monogamy. When asked about sexual and social monogamy, he responded with, “How is it that, from humans …, you can be so strongly socially bonded — what we might call “love” — with one individual but be able to have sex with another? That’s because the two systems can actually operate independently in our brain.”
According to an article in the LA Times, “Monogamy Isn’t Easy, Naturally,” it starts out by stating, “Monogamy is definitely under siege….. The culprit is our biology.” http://articles.latimes.com/2009/nov/22/opinion/la-oe-barash22-2009nov22
Can we logically justify our expectations for monogamy in our relationships?
In religion, the price for not being monogamous is soul damnation. Despite the repercussions, it is quite difficult for some people to adhere to the spiritual laws regarding this. In their non adherence, they are risking soul damnation.
Thinking in terms of the spiritual difficulty, and the mandated sacrifice in abstaining from this, where do we stand as a mortal, in asking for the same sacrifice in our relationships? Technically, we don’t.
Are we asking too much of our partner? Are we asking them to defy a biological function? If the answer is yes, how can we expect such a sacrifice, when we are neglectful in the relationship? Why do we expect so much, yet give so little?
Most of us take our partners for granted, and do not consistently bring our best self to the relationship. We create the disadvantage by being negligent, and in doing so, we create the cheating advantage. We really do not make it hard for our partners to cheat. We let our appearance deteriorate. We deviate from our health routine, become sloppy and overweight. We are negative, proud, uncommunicative, unmotivated, stagnated, self-entitled, and selfish. And we expect 100% sexual exclusivity? Let’s be realistic.
Oftentimes, when we find our partner has been cheating, it is in those moments we begin to take introspection. We give thought to the ways we need to change; or we stand defiant in our deficiency. We also wonder what the other person had that was more appealing in comparison to ourselves. We know the answers. It was everything we did not do. If you check my post: “Boredom to Whoredom,” https://dontdestroyrelationship.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/boredom-to-whoredom/,
it explains how we are boring our partners to cheat.
If we were to take a poll of those who have cheating partners, it would be interesting to know if the period of cheating occurred during a complacent period.
We are not bringing it that hard to mandate the sacrifice of monogamy.
Why is cheating really a problem for us? Are we expecting our partner not to cheat in order for us to feel safe, coupled with an illusional feeling that we will never be alone? Is it our desperate need to belong to someone? Is it all about us? Or is it really primarily about love?
If you are really sexing your partner, as often as it takes to meet both of your sexual needs, what are the chances of your partner cheating? If you keep the home front exciting— who would want to leave that? We all yearn for adventure. If you have a relationship, where both partners are growing together and superseding the mundane normalcy of relationships, where could either of you go to achieve that same level with someone else?
If we bring it hard, at least 97% of the time (always shoot for 100%), then we would have something to propose to our partners about not cheating. If we are bringing it that hard, and our partner cheats— life is definitely not over for us. There are many options to choose from. Hey! When you’re hot, you’re just hot! When you are a go hard individual, somebody always wants the pipe and somebody always wants the punani.
We cannot expect sexual exclusivity when we are not bringing our best exclusively.
Is this post advocating cheating? It is very hard to be monogamous but is that all your relationship is based on, sexual satisfaction. Oh yeah, it plays a big part. like you said it’s part of our biological makeup. Then you mentioned of your spiritual origin. That should also determine your actions no matter how your partner is not responding to your hot hormones. There are a lot of definitions for love. Even sex is a definition of love. A=B, B=C, A=C. Heck I don’t know what I’m saying. Maybe, what I’m saying is, if you base your relationship on how much sex you are getting or if your partner is not satisfying you sexually to your standard of bringing it. It will be hard to sustain monogamy. If you are looking for some good punani, don’t get married, get a high price hooker. Then you don’t have to worry about being monogamous.
This post is advocating bringing it hard in the relationship, in order to propose (and not expect) your partner not to cheat. The term cheating is most often only relating to sex— not meaning the relationship is solely built on sex. But in the perspective of cheating— it is all about sex.
The mention of the spiritual is to emphasize that religion purports repercussions for not being monogamous. The biological point is to demonstrate how we are designed in opposition of monogamy. The partner needs to fully understand these challenges in order to remove all disadvantages they may be bringing in the relationship to at least, make it hard for their partner to want to cheat.
Jabbo: Your comment of “..looking for some good punany…” are you saying it is not good in marriage?
No, I’m saying. In a marriage or any relationship. You feel you are bringing it hard but your partner is like, ho hum. It’s not continuously meeting their expectations as much as they thought it would, or even going beyond. I read this book how to constantly give your partner orgasims. Now if that’s not bringing it. There is always something else the partner is seeking. Financially, emotionally etc. I don’t think it’s one person who have it all. Relationships are marathons. If you are bringing it hard all the time. You will run out of steam. Opening the door for at least thinking about getting it from someone else. Can you fully understand why I’m not emotionally stimulating you as you think I should. Hell, I thought I was the stuff. That’s what you told me before. Now years later why is my best not good enough for you?
In the relationship the “ho hum” is what we are working to remove— which is why this blog exists. If you read every posts and dig in, there are many levels on which we are relating to—in just one post.
The point is, we can have it all!! There is no reason we cannot expound on every subject that impacts our lives. (financially, historically, sexually, socially, educationally, politically, spiritually, etc.). Check out my blog: Read Something!
The book about constantly bringing orgasms? The how-to should be the fun. The actual orgasm? An absolute must! Every woman should experience a G-Spot orgasm as often as possible. Every man should know how to hit that to give his partner at least several G-Spot orgasms through their sex life. There is always work to do. The point is having fun in the discovery of doing so. There is also a book called 1001 ways to be romantic. The average partner rarely hits ¼ of that. .
I would like to think of a relationship as a journey. Just as we take life as a journey. The reinvention of ourselves, the new wisdom we learn, the experiences we input, the knowledge we gain, the discovery of ourselves and our partners, creates a newness, within various dynamics that should continue— providing we are not being stagnate. The fear of running out— only exists in our mind. The sky is the limit.
: also lets face it, the majority of relationship don’t even think about the religious reprocussions until someone gets caught. I don’t think we were designed in opposition of monogamy. We were giving a (Will) how you like that?, to do right or wrong. Now which one is right and which one is wrong. Cheating or Monogamy?
The mention of the spiritual is to emphasize that religion purports repercussions for not being monogamous— whether or not a partner considers repercussions, is at his/her discretion.
The biological point emphasizes how we are designed in opposition of monogamy. The facts are what they are. If you are on the bus and have diarrhea, is that about your “will” or a bodily function? The point is, according to biologists and anthropologists; the monogamous nature is not in the make-up of man. Only the Western society makes this an issue.
The point to all of this is, for our partner to understand the extreme challenges ‘not cheating” brings. Understand it, and bring it, (yes, as a journey—not a marathon!). If you do not want your partner to cheat, do not make it easy for them to want to cheat. If someone cheats, and this is in violation of the relationship, then the “cheated on partner,” has a choice to make, along with some sexual options to boot!
Are there levels of bringing it? If I buy you a karat and you want 2 karats and I say, nope. That don’t give you reasons to cheat. To my standards I brought you my best. Now, if you can’t take that, don’t cheat, leave and find somebody else who can satisfy you to your standards. Don’t use my “littleness” as an excuse. This should be established before you get into a commited relationship, right?
You are correct. It is critical to understand and combine all commonalities as a couple. Your differentials should always be discussed from the on start of your relationship and even throughout. If your differences are greater than your commonalities your relationship will have an imbalance. You both will not be happy— unless you know how to work it and most folk do not. For example, your “best” standards could mean your debilitating make-up, where you will not even try. If I am going hard, I do not do debilitating. We need to know this upfront.
Your differences do not have to be the dividers between you both. They can be the edge of you both. Taking the differentials working them into a commonality or an agreed solution, is where the creativity comes in. Your “littleness” as you say, is not little. I have to assume it is your very best. (Make sure that my assumption is right, don’t disappoint me.) We do not need reasons to cheat; however, we need to be extremely mindful of the possibility due to the make-up of man.
Going hard? It means, doing everything with the best of your best, while pushing the edge for growth and betterment, everything, every time and on every level.
Yes you assume correctly. I agree with everything you’ve said except what the biologist and anthropologist determined. I think they have to dig deeper into the spiritual realm to understand the nature of the beast (man,woman). All I have to go by is the Bible. Where it says man have a sinful nature. It also explain the reason for that nature. I can’t really argue in depth the findings of the biologist and others. Because it will go into beliefs. That arguement is still going. Since we are in the western civilization that’s our measuring stick sort of speak.
Going hard? Every night. oops! Question, is my very best the limit I’m willing to go or able to go? Cause I’m able to go into debt and get you that 3 karat.
Every night is not a problem. Stop putting limits! That sets your mind, which puts your body in the zone of the mind. Forget the karat. Someone died for it anyway. I am tired of the deaths for a diamond. Give me the best YOU’VE got! See I just did an off set of our differences! LOL Take that home with you. That was free!
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