A wise woman once told me, “There are 3 types of people: 1 who makes things happen, 1 who watches things happen, and 1 who is wondering what’s happening”.
The person who makes things happen has initiative and drive. They are very assertive and use aggression when necessary. Simply doing what needs to be done to get it done.
The one who watches things happen lacks drive and initiative. They are simply waiting, and watching. Folk who are usually watching is usually always waiting. Going through the flows and ebbs of life with minimal control of their destiny.
The person who is wondering what’s happening, well, they are just lost. No further comment on this one.
Let’s talk about the Partner who watches things happen.
The Partner who is watching his/her way through life lacks drive and initiative. They rarely make anything happen on their own. They lack creativity to bring excitement. They lack drive to thrive; and do not have the edge that gives their personality spark; they are devoid of spontaneity, and just go through life, living vicariously through others.
This Partner usually allows him/herself to be victimized in life, rather than just take a self risk to make life better. They are usually the victim of their own decisions. Minimal enthusiasm, and not much apparent interest, as he/she goes through life allowing the waves and the tides to just move him/her along without edge or resistance. They are not naturally energetic and enthusiastic people. As time goes by, the lack of drive turns into bitterness, sarcasm and negativity.
How does that work in a relationship with a Partner who has drive?
It is rare the Partner that lacks the drive will leave the relationship. Their Partners will find they are stubbornly resistant in the way they think and live. Eventually, after figuring out that change is pretty much impossible, their Partner either steps out or gets out.
Can these two people actually make a relationship work? There are many ways to make this work, but at a sacrifice.
There must be an understanding between both Partners. The understanding is the initiator is running the relationship. He/she is driving things. The direction of the relationship, the communication, the problems, and the solutions, the activities, and most likely even the sex. It takes drive to work all of these things. In every way possible, the Partner, without drive should try to provide input, and bring in something different. If not, leave this to the stronger Partner in this part of your relationship. If this is the case, the non driven Partner must yield and be receptive.
The Partner who lacks drive cannot be full of pride, cannot be sarcastic, cannot be negative and must be willing to participate in the relationship. If taking the initiative is not what you do, pass that to your Partner who does. The Partner without initiative needs to be just as strong in participating and supporting the partner with the drive, or the relationship will not work. Full cooperation in relational matters is crucial.
The Partner, who is the directional lead in the relationship, cannot be bossy and disrespectful. This may be a part of the relationship that is easier for you, but being too strong, overbearing and aggressive, can make your Partner uncomfortable, and resentful. If this happens you are sure to get resistance all the way. The relationship will become strained and filled with intense negativity.
In order to balance the relationship, with these two very different Partners, they must bring their best skills into the relationship. There is no room for the triviality. Refrain from the relational mundane. For example, the Partner who lacks drive may be very frugal. (Taking a risk in spending money is just not what they do.) Bring those frugal skills into the relationship. Find ways to save on groceries, and find ways to get the bills paid off. Find a way to have surplus monies stored. Maybe the Partner without the drive can do the grocery shopping. Find ways for both of you to save money in the most frugal ways possible. Try to manage the banking accounts. Find the best real estate. Balance the budget. Lastly, do not be selfish and have your partner stranded and strapped for cash.
The Partner without drive needs to have an opinion sometimes. This is not to say you do not know how to have conversation, because you do. Talking is one thing most folk have. Having a strong opinion, especially in opposition is sometimes the only edge you have. The problem is, oftentimes, when those opinions are spoken from people without drive, there is an undertone of negativity. Your Partner should not be the object of your suppressed anger. (There is a reason why that negative undertone is there.) Bring those strong views into a conversation with your initiating partner. Make your angles interesting and make your conversation engaging.
As the one who watches things happen, be sure to observe your Partner. When he/she needs emotional support, provide the best support you can. Rather than you just watching things, become a keen observer. As a keen observer, you can foresee certain things, so make preparation for the household. Prepare the house for a natural disaster. Be knowledgeable of all areas via your observation. Being able to see what is coming is a very good skill to have, which means you are thinking ahead.
When it comes to sex, most likely the initiator will ride. However, the non driving Partner should be open enough to receive, fully engage, even be sexy, and participate. Go with the flow in your most passionate way possible. Ensure to enjoy the variations of sex. Why wouldn’t you? Sex is fun! Be a willing recipient. Sometimes use the tactics your Partner uses if you cannot create one of your own. Watch and observe for ways to please your Partner. Then do it.
These two very different Partners can make the relationship work. Leveraging the skills, the individual resources; with a balanced personality, understanding, and diverse perspectives can make the most of your commonalities while bridging your differences.