We prefer when truth is present, to speak in our favor and defense, but truth knows no one and represents no one. It is a stand alone statement of what is, and what happened. It does not even offer a why. Only the facts.
When truth is a way of life, it poses no threat, because living in the way of truth is only about one thing— knowing the facts. There is no such thing as real truth. Truth and real are wrapped up in one word— TRUTH. Sometimes truth is a gentle fact, but if truth is hidden, and must be exposed, it is gritty, raw, and a rough reality of what is factual.
When it comes to relationships, the repercussions of knowing the truth is demonstrative of how we handle the truth.
So, our partner says, the love is gone and he/she would like to end it. Are we capable of handling that truth to where there are no repercussions, because our partner no longer feels love for us?
What about the truth as to why our partner wants to sleep with someone else, because the desire for sex in the relationship is no longer there?
What about the truth that the weight we have gained has made us less desirable?
We often feel betrayed when our partner have lied to us, but when the truth is told to us, we are hurt by it, offended and we shun away from the reality. We are asking for something we cannot handle.
So as the famous movie (A Few Good Men) line goes, “You can’t handle the truth”. We can’t.
I often hear men say, “Women want us to lie to them”. And where this sounds absurd, in some cases, it is not very far from the truth.
One of the most popular lies a woman love is about her weight. If her partner says she has picked up a little weight—whoa–watch out! (No further explanation is necessary here.)
How did baby momma drama begin? Primarily when a guy wants to part ways from the girlfriend who is the mother (“momma”) of his baby. He moves on to someone else. Rather than accept the truth that he is done with the relationship, there is a repercussion. He can no longer see his child. And if he is allowed to see his child, there is so much resistance from the momma, all the way, to the point, she makes it virtually impossible for him to see his child. A lot of children suffer and miss out on good fathers, and will grow up without their father, all because some momma couldn’t handle the truth of it being over and moving on.
So we want convenient truths and we want to be lied to.
Women fake orgasms. One of the biggest lies ever told by the act of a scream and a moan. Rather than help him to be sexually pleasing — we lie to him by faking an orgasm?
So, we cannot deliver, much less, handle the truth.
Another scenario is a partner opens up and says what is on his/her mind. It may not be pleasant to the ears. The listening partner flares up and says something like, “I haven’t told you this, but I’ve stopped loving you for years now. I have been sleeping with someone else.”
We use truth for convenience, or as a weapon for retaliation.
Since we are not handling the truth very well, the only remaining “default” actions are: cheating, lying, back stabbing, deception, betrayal, lack of communication, selective memory, or no communication. We give our partner no other choice.
We know we cannot handle the truth when we lash back, remove ourselves from the conversation, go into a corner, retort something that is harmful or hurtful, cry out to be comforted or yell from being outraged.
No wonder folk lie to us. No one wants drama, the tears, retaliation, or out cries of being unloved or unsupported, while being told the truth.
So, when we say we want the truth. We are lying.
If we are indeed advocates of truth, (as we say we are) we must not only tell the truth, but be open to receive the truth.