Many people suffer a break up and rather than deal with the trauma of it, they hook up with someone else right away— hoping to relieve the pain.
When people do, hook up with someone else too soon, they carry the energy of the ex, the heartache, errors and mistakes— all burdens, enters the equation with that new someone— who, by the way, won’t last. This is what we call a rebound relationship.
You and I know a rebound has nothing to do with the current relationship. It is all about the past relationship. It is all about the ex.
Take a break!
A rebound relationship, the past relationship and you forms a triangle of disaster.
Purge! Learn from the mistakes. Grow a little. Do a little better. Be better! Build your cash. Take on a new sport. Start a new class. Learn new life strategies. Learn a different language. Invest in you.
Raise your standard of Love. What you had before, take it a little higher. Make the next partner selection better than the last. Never downgrade. Always take it up a level.
You tolerated pride in your last relationship? Upgrade. Don’t take it in the next one. Your ex was selfish? Identify it next time, and avoid it. Dealt with a liar? Hell! You know what to do.
If you don’t know what to do, you will find yourself living in the shadow of your failed relationship. It will be a repeat of the same mistakes with a different someone.
You think you miss your ex? Do you really? Identify what you miss. Is it the smile that overwhelmed you because you saw and felt the love? The hearty laughter you both shared. Was it the abundant and never ending shared conversation? Maybe it was the love you two shared each and every day. It could also be the undying loyalty, faithfulness, and the weekend getaways? Wait! It was the continual intimate times laying around on a blanket by candle light while you enjoyed your favorite snacks and drinks together.
Hmmm….if all of that was happening, why did the relationship end? Exactly. It was not like that or it would not have ended. So, if that was not happening, what exactly are you missing?
Anyway, take a break. You are not emotionally ready or available.
You can tell when you are not emotionally available. Some of the signs are a heavy heart, hurting, crying even, and thinking about that person every day or all day. If you are seeing folk that resemble your ex, you know you are not over it. When you have not moved on mentally and emotionally, you are not available for anyone else right now.
Break away from the pain. Just for awhile. You won’t miss it. It won’t let you.
Take the emotions one day at a time. Then turn them off. Men engage in sports and shoot hoop for awhile or they do push ups. Women go out with the girls and vent. Find whatever your groove is that takes your mind away.
Some people think running, ignoring, hiding, or suppressing the pain is the way to go. How about no!
Those actions are part of the reasons why relationships aren’t working!
Your heart is like a storage closet. How you archive your experiences, determines your capacity and ability to love again. A heart of confusion, insecurity, anger, pride and lack of self trust, from past loves, are blockades to a heart that should be open to love. Neglecting to heal, failing to correct your mistakes, and becoming negative about everything surrounding love only creates a heart of pain, and the archives in your heart will determine how it responds in the new relationship.
Why do you think people don’t trust, and draw comparisons of the ex and the new partner? Their heart is nothing but a storage portal of past and more importantly, unresolved pain. That same heart will take those memory files of pain and past loves and emotionally dump on the new partner. How can any relationship work with this much negativity and pain from the on start?
To avoid this disastrous way of loving, you must work through your feelings. Work in your time, and take your time. This is the only way.
Take the break. Let some time pass.
Execute for the next few days, the “What would you do if you knew you were going to die” action plan. This does not mean you blow all your money, nor does it mean for you to do life threatening activities. It is most likely you have a lot of time left, so be smart. But take a couple of risks that goes outside of your box.
Stick close to one of your friends. Make that your going out buddy. Keep the lines of communication open and speak openly about your feelings and your pain. Build a healthy friendship and enjoy it.
Keep in mind when you have too much idle time to think about your ex, you really do not have enough to do in your life. This is code for, “Get a Life!”
Start expanding your network. Sometimes a relationship does not give much time for a busy social life. Get busy. This will put you in connection with new faces that brings new experiences and new stories. It is a big, big world. Go and explore!
Fill your life with goodness, growth, reflection, and love. You will find that a full life will leave little space for thoughts of your ex and the ended relationship.