Your Name? Anonymous? (not a required field): Got a question or comment? “I have been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years and he has cheated on me a number of times. I always find out about it as I go through his phone. This makes us fight a lot as he says hes phone is his private space. I understand this but because of his cheating ways, I feel its better I know who is the ‘flavour of the month” he has different women in any given moment. The last one was my older sisters friend. I love him and I have accepted his cheating ways, either than that he treats me so well, if I dont touch his phone we are great, nothing would indicate he is cheating. I should stop with snooping around his phone but I cant. He doesnt check my phone because I think he knows I wouldnt cheat on him as I am so very predictable. How do I stop touching his phone? “
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Hello My Friend!
In order to stop touching his phone, you must do one thing and one thing only.
Total and complete acceptance. You say you have, but the phone touching indicates otherwise. I’m not judging here. I totally get it. You must truly accept his cheating. Without deviation.
Anything outside of acceptance is continual mental and emotional torment of what he is doing; who he is doing it with; why he is doing it and what makes him do it.
Make a pact with him. There should be ground rules—dammit! He is not to cheat with women you know. You have the power to make that request. How many women are willing to make such an allowance? He should adhere to your request without question. Have you considered how his cheating impacts the relationship in the areas of trust, honesty, or credibility? We may need to tighten something up there, because you should not have to go through his phone to find out— especially since you’re willing to be accepting.
Acceptance comes from you becoming one with yourself, and getting to a place of self-power. Executing your self-power makes his cheating of little to no value. Self-power takes your mind and thoughts higher than where you are, causing certain things in life to have little impact due to little value. That takes some work. But you can do it! Read power books, like 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class. Watch DVDs like E-Motion, and The Secret, etc. Books like “In The Meantime, by Iyanla Vanzant” are instructionally powerful regarding loving yourself. Loving self is an open ended task. Take a class. Take on a cause you care about. Fulfill a dream or two. Do these things only because it is something you’ve always wanted to do. Your mission? Gain power!
The point is, there are many other things holding higher importance than a man who can’t think outside of his dick. I say this respectfully, but honestly.
Additionally, he should not find you predictable. Predictability implies boredom. I must assume you are exciting, fun, (not so predictable), sexy and knocking him out in the bedroom. His cheating should not be because of something you are not doing. When you’re sexing him, keep in mind, you aren’t sexing a cheater. You are sexing a man, who in that moment and time wows you sexually and you enjoy it tremendously.
Care to level the playing field? Maybe you’ve always wanted to cheat? Maybe there is someone in your circle who has interest, and you are not yielding to temptation because of your cheating man? If so, put that on the table. What’s good for the man is good for you also.
Wishing you love and happiness!
This reply was surprising and interesting and neat. I figured you would have bluntly put, don’t let him cheat on you. but you saw around this persons problem. she said she was okay with it-had accepted it. so you went with that info and made such a cool response. all though i would probably second guess her acceptance and pursue the reasoning shes taking this route. is it because shes too afraid to lose him? if so, does this imply other insecurities of herself? different ways to take on this but i enjoyed your response.
Thank you for reading more than what’s written! Very perceptive. I’ve learned, and I’m sure you have also, that life is different to everyone. If our Friend is willing to accept her man cheating, then there is no judgment on what she chooses. If this is the path she is choosing, then it is hers to choose. I would ask her (gently) how does the relationship navigate around trust, and credibility? There are some women who accepts such actions. The variables behind the acceptance, is hers to seek out, challenge, or to be at peace with. Everyone has a different angle on what works for them. Hopefully, our Friend will reach out again. We all need to help and support each other.
I’m sorry but self love should be first and foremost! I will be single before I am disrespected by being cheated on!! You cant set conditions or rules on disrespect. You can love somebody from a distance!!! Once you exit that dysfunction you will be like “why did I stay for long as I did?” You shouldn’t have to present yourself to be a challenge in a way of playing games or stooping to his/her cheating ass level. I respect your perspective and always agree that self improvement by reading is helpful. I look forward to your emails and with all the positive, self awareness and promoting advice you are giving, with that confidence built why would you want to stay with someone who is disrespecting you?
Love your perspective— which is evident of what you expect. Respect. It is possible our Friend may not consider cheating as being disrespectful. Not knowing what she’s overcome makes it difficult to pinpoint where respect is on her list. She’s made a point to say, he treats her very well otherwise. And I must respect her question, which is clear, “how do I stop touching his phone”? Self power, respect, and self-awareness are characteristics we delve into on different levels. I look forward to your input!
I’m sorry for the “me”…it is all conflicted.
Thank you Jackie. Are you able to elaborate more? It is all conflicted? Why is that?