We make relationships hard. Life is what we make it: and just like life, a relationship is what we make it.
We do not put enough of a premium on our emotional health to assess and take the necessary actions to act upon the responses and behaviors, in order to have a happy relationship.
Some of the ways we have that are “just our way” of doing, or “just our way” of existing, like being stubborn, having pride, being selfish, controlling and having manipulative traits are harmful and no one gets anything out of these ways of being. Why bring them to the relationship?
If the response is, “It is just who I am and what I do” then the reply to that is, you just being you is destructive, and does nothing, but circle right back to you the problems of— you just being you.
We are our own worst enemy in making relationships hard.
The things we elect not to do in the relationship sets the relationship on the path of chaos. We do not sex enough, don’t talk enough, not kind, honest and supportive enough. We do not hold our partner enough, not courageous enough, and we hold back the depths of our love. All of these are necessary, because they build the relationship. Making a practice to do these things provide solidity, security, trust and establishes emotional well-being.
We enter a relationship determined to be true to who we are and fulfilling our desires: and we should. Some of our ways work just fine when we are alone. But being with someone is not about failing to be oneself; it is about enhancement of oneself, and removing the worst of oneself, to be the best of oneself, to shape two people into a unit of love.
Life is ultimately about togetherness and being a part of a harmonious cycle. In truth what we do and what we want should not be harmful to others.
Some of our desires are not healthy for others. There is such a thing as desires of destruction.
A good example for desires of destruction is the governmental powers that rule the world (if you will). Their quest for power is disruptive to the cycle of well-being for many.
There is more than enough in the world for everyone to live a life where they can have shelter, food and the simple pleasures of what life is, but greed, in the wrong hands, is a desire that causes hunger, poverty, homelessness, sickness and death. There is nothing wrong with desire, but when our desire can actually destroy people, then it needs to be reconsidered and strategized in a way that provides harmony and balance in its fulfillment.
Our relationships are no different than the relationship between the government and its people.
We have the power in our relationship to have and provide emotional health, support, communication, sexual health, and financial stability with each other.
We must evaluate how we fit in the relationship equation in the most positive way, to reshape ourselves in the best way possible, impacting who we are and how we think, resulting in how we perform and respond to our partner. This is what most of us do not do.
You think this is something you cannot do?
To be honest, we reshape ourselves and adapt to necessary behaviors all the time. Particularly in ways that will be of financial benefit to us. When we want to sell our business services or products, we target a market and appeal to the wants of that market— not ours. We also research what the problems are in order to sell an idea or concept that result in business for us, thus sales: and this hits our revenue line. We are taking the time to create resolve for others and are comporting ourselves accordingly.
The job, where we spend most of our day, is a place that has no tolerance for slacking, bad behavior, anger, and no amount of greed has any bearings on compensation. The boss cannot even afford to care about our selfishness and greed. There is little room for excuses of not performing. Stubbornness and resistance to policies and procedures will be met with reprimand and termination. The relationship between the job and us is simple— do the job, and get paid.
So, we do adapt and conform to situations in order to receive the positive and necessary results we want. Why should our relationships be any different?
A relationship is not carte blanche for bad behavior, unnecessary self indulgences, negativity, anger, unresolved past pain, and the ridiculous nonsense we keep in our lives.
A relationship is a place, just like a job, where our very best is an absolute mandate in order for two people to be happy and healthy while living through this course, we call Life.