Perhaps a relationship should have requirements and guidelines from the on start. Everything else does.
In order to get a job, you must possess certain skills and qualifications. In order to become a US Citizen you must meet certain requirements, and there is a step-by-step guide on how to gain citizenship.
Why not a relationship?
Why not have a brief how-to-do-guide? Okay. Every relationship is different. Every person is different. Just as no two people are the same— no two relationships are the same. If some folk choose to refer to a guide while being in a relationship, others would argue the distinguishing ways that makes each of us unique, becomes lost by following the guide.
Our uniqueness in how we provide and deliver our partner’s needs is deeply rooted in our style, demeanor and behaviors. How we act and respond are “learned” behaviors. We have either been taught or we have observed and adopted how we behave. It’s like learning to walk. We all have learned pretty much the same way, yet we walk differently. We all have been taught how to talk, but the style in which we communicate is our own.
How-to-guides are helpful in knowing what to do in order to obtain a certain result.
We know we don’t hit our partner in the head with a shovel (well we should know this) and expect to have mind blowing sex afterwards. We know not to just say anything everywhere without a social filter. We know not to piss our partner off on his/her birthday. We refrain from certain behaviors, because we know we will suffer the consequences of such behaviors. In these cases, we know what not-to-do, because we have been taught what not-to-do.
One thing is for certain. No matter who we are, we need love, support, sex, intimacy and understanding. There are certain characteristics every partner should have that fulfills the need.
Shouldn’t our heart, emotions, mind, body and time investments mandate some sort of pre-requisite before just giving them away to someone?
Let’s say certain competencies are a necessity for our partner to fulfill our emotional needs. The competencies should be established for the reason of its importance, which without saying, reveals the consequences of not having such competencies in a partner. Therefore, we should not be surprised at all if the relationship does not go the distance.
We need someone who is able to get over the past. This will help them to accept a new partner with minimal pre-conceived misconceptions. Every partner deserves his/her own space and time, free from accusations or thoughts of a partner in the past.
Emotional stability and strength is necessary. An extremely sensitized partner who is easily shaken or frazzled, or one who becomes somber when there are disagreements actually puts a strain on the relationship. The emotional strength determines whether there will be tidal waves of uncontrolled emotions more often than not.
The emotional stability of our partner helps to gauge his/her self-confidence and security. Self-confidence and high self-esteem manages emotional security, and it manages jealousy.
A partner who is focused on the answers, opposed to dwelling on the problems is someone who can navigate through difficult situations.
Positivity keeps the relationship from the realm of negativity.
Finesse is necessary. A partner who is uncouth and distasteful, usually have unpleasant communication skills without a social filter. We simply cannot take them anywhere.
A smart partner is a thinker who considers the consequences of all actions prior to execution.
Self-commitment is critical to ensuring relational commitment. A partner who is self-committed will be dedicated. When someone is dedicated, they are also committed to their word.
A giving partner is not only unselfish, but also believes in equity. He/She is willing to give consideration to a different point of view. A selfish person only has a myopic perspective.
A spiritual guidance system minimizes problems in the areas of crime, and violence, because it embodies a strong belief and conduct in morals and ethics.
Being open and communicative is important for continual expression of needs, desires, wants, issues, problems and the sharing of thought.
Sexual energy, knowledge and style fits well on a partner, along with sexual creativity. This implies sexual comfort and enjoyment of sex.
The ability to understand with objectivity is the buttress to communication.
Self-love works hand in hand with relational love. Loving oneself ensures the ability to love someone else. As self-love grows, so does the capacity for loving.
Exposure to good family values results in the perpetuation of family values.
The ability to share a bond of intimacy takes emotional intelligence that helps to ignite synchronicity and synergy.
Rather than set yourself up for relational failure by not having any requirements, with the exception of good looks and a hot body, consider your partner’s capacity and skills to fulfill your needs. This just may put you on the path to relational success.