Abuse would not exist— at all— if we did not allow it. 

We may not be able to stop cancer in its last stages.  We may not be able to stop death.  Nor can we control the world of someone else, but when it comes to how we allow others to treat us— this is well within our power of control.  We can control how we are treated by another person.  If we are abused, it is because we have turned our power over to an abuser.

Are we going through emotional and verbal abuse in our relationships?

The definition of domestic violence was best defined by, Child Welfare Information Gateway.  “Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive and assaultive behaviors that include physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological attacks and economic coercion that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partner.” Sep 26, 2013, https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/domesticviolence/domesticviolencec.cfm

Some of us have been verbally and emotionally abused throughout childhood, so we grow up accepting abuse as a way of life.  Being socialized in this way, generally leads to a cycle of abusive relationships.

85% of reported domestic violence (physical, emotional, verbal, etc.) reflects women are the most impacted.  40% of victims suffering from severe physical domestic violence are men.  Domestic Violence Statistics, Sep. 26, 2013,  http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/men-the-overlooked-victims-of-domestic-violence/

Abuse does not discriminate against gender.

Some of us may not experience physical abuse, but perhaps, we are more exposed to verbal and emotional abuse than we care to acknowledge or are even aware of.  Physical abuse is much more blatantly intrusive, and depending on the style of the abuser, emotional and verbal abuse can be subliminal, with mind controlling tactics, loaded with soft spoken hissing cruelty and mild accusations that forces you to undermine yourself, or question your self worth, your abilities and decisions.

What are the characteristics of an abused person?   How does someone allow another person to abuse them?

They have certain self-deficiencies like: lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, no self-love, inferiority complex, and self-doubt.  Failing to strengthen these characteristics will render someone mentally weak and incapable of defending themselves emotionally or psychologically.

Someone who is highly motivated and armored with emotional intelligence and confidence is less likely to suffer from abuse, opposed to someone who is emotionally frail, discouraged and disheartened.

Name calling, put downs, yelling, screaming, cursing, public humiliation, volatile drama, separating you from your family and friends, controlling how you dress, using tactics of intimidation, humiliation, mind manipulation, and verbal threats are some examples of abuse:   love is respect.org, What is Emotional/Verbal Abuse? Sep. 26, 2013, http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-emotional-verbal-abuse,

If we become familiar with the behaviors of abuse, we may want to reconsider how we argue and disagree with our partner.  Some arguments are border line abusive and some are just downright abusive.  For example, when we have an argument with our partner that has escalated to the point, where we resort to name calling, cursing, screaming out derogatory statements, boldly disrespecting and using mind control tactics, and ripping apart our partner because we are privy to his/her weaknesses— this is abuse.

According to an article called, Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?   It states, “A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path its on.” Sep. 26, 2013, http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-emotional-verbal-abuse

We must be more cognizant of our behavior, because it can be manifested into abuse, and whereas the abusive behaviors listed here, may not be abusive on a stand-alone basis, but it should be noted, that the combination of all behaviors listed here, are a part of the overall frequent and consistent behavior of an abuser.

Lastly, if you know of anyone who is being abused, try to help if you can, by referring to the links listed here.  There is also a book written on how to stop the abuse and heal from it.  The website for the book is http://www.verbalabuse.com/.  The name of the book is called, “Victory Over Verbal Abuse” A Healing Guide to Renewing Your Spirit and Reclaiming Your Life!

Again, abuse would not exist— at all— if we did not allow it.