Relationship: I Am Using You!

Using You2

Some of us are in a relationship with a user. The user’s mission is to take from you to get a stronghold on what they want in life. And, hey, it is you they choose to use.

You know the reasons:  money, prestige, property, citizenship, and the fear of being alone. Sometimes, some folk will use you just to get to someone else. There are those who are in a relationship, only to control someone.  So these folk are in a relationship with you, yet it has nothing to do with you.  You are simply an object to be used.

How can we identify some of these love moocher users? How can we really know for sure?

Before we begin, you must always trust your Gut. This is a spiritual/natural instinctual internalized sensor system that nudges us gently and says, “Hmmm… I am not sure.” Or you will be gently warned by a feeling that is telling you, “This person does not really care about me.” Or you will initially have doubt.

We make the mistake in relationships, believing in the principle of, “innocent until proven guilty.”  When it comes to giving your heart, time, and soul to someone, you had better go with your Gut.

We ignore the Gut, and then we end up in an emotional rut.

You fight for someone you love, knowing within the recesses of your heart, he/she is not for you, yet you force it and then construe every reason under the sun to stay when you should go, because it is so much easier to stay.  So, in this case, you agree to be used. And you settle for a loveless, unhealthy, half on— half off relationship. And you think it is okay just because sometimes the relationship appears peaceful, good, and calm.

This is because you are doing everything possible to keep the peace.  You have been manipulated into submission to the will of the user. Hew to the line or live in hell. Hell is what you are trying to avoid, because within your heart of hearts you know you are not going anywhere. So, you accept less, minimize who you are, make all of the necessary changes to adapt, simply to blend in the relationship.   You go with the flow because you know that is the only way to go, since you refuse to hit the door.  Knowing there is someone better.  Knowing there is someone who would really love you beyond life.

So you settle.  No.  Correction. You do more than settle; you literally whittle yourself away from what you need and want, while making excuses acclimating.  So, you work harder, do more— be less to be more.  Thinking you are earning the user’s love.

The user is not always the obvious narcissist personality.  They can be either: smooth, or sexy, sweetly needy, or appearing to be deprived in some way and they choose you to be their hero.  Or some can also be charming— until they get to the place in your heart, or to the place in your life where they have you psychologically, parentally, emotionally, or financially locked in.

Some get locked in a number of ways, like: a man being trapped by a woman who bears his children.  This often happens first by accident, then the stair step children start coming.  You can’t deny your children so now you are in a child headlock. As time goes on, you realize that if you can take your kids and go— you would, but you know you can’t. This makes the children pawn in the game.  Try to leave and you will never see them again, or not as regularly as the children need.  There is also the other man, post your departure, who will be raising or not raising your children.

There are users who have you bound in the relationship by having legal access— to your property. You have allowed this user to earn rights to half of the property you previously owned.  To make matters worse, some users will illegally take what you owned.

Several users seek to own your investments where they now have a share of any monies accrued and earned before and during the relationship.  What was fully yours is now partially theirs.

Once locked in, you begin to see some of the problems.  By this time they’ve got you.

Let’s not forget holding some of you hostage by a secret that may be criminal in nature.  This is psychological torture.  Your life is easier just sticking the relationship out.  Then there is one of my all time favorites— “it’s cheaper to keep her!”

There have been relationships where the user goes to school, while their partner works to pay the bills. This goes on for at least four years or more.  Four long years of the user having a minimal workload with school (only) while his/her partner handles the home, bills, children (if any) and the job.

We have seen time and time again where the user gets their degree, moves up in life, becoming high minded, and forgetting they were only able to make it through school, thanks to their partner who managed everything thing else.  That same working partner is now considered an imbecile.

Do a test and break the cycle of being the giver and watch after a little bit of time, the relationship becomes strained, tense, and you will begin to hear from the user, every chance they get about what they are doing, or what they must do, since you are not doing, and how they are doing things by themselves.  Resume your “being used” cycle and all is right with the world again.

A relationship is about giving and taking. It is about leveraging each other, supporting, loving, bridging the gaps, and maintaining a balance.  It is not to use, manipulate, emasculate, abuse or belittle for our own personal selfish gain. 

Some good men in these types of relationships are so mentally neutered; they can’t make a sound decision after being exposed to this.  Some good women are so emotionally beaten down; they continue on the path of bad relationships.

Beware of the love moocher user!

About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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