Why Do Relationships Fail? Lying


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We may be somewhat oblivious as to how one lie can impact a relationship.  A lie is a powerful divider and a real destroyer.  Many relationships do not recover.

As three dimensional human beings, we are shaped with layers of emotions that run deep, and all emotions suffer a severe blow when we find our partner has lied to us.  

The relationship either comes to a halt or becomes edgy and very tense.    

We feel deceived and begin to wonder: How long have we been lied to or was this the first time?  Why did our partner choose to lie?  What is he/she really hiding?  These thoughts bring feelings of vulnerability, causing us to feel we were a fool for believing.

There is the feeling of being betrayed and deceived.  Feeling betrayed leaves us with a feeling of inadequacy, questioning what did we do to have caused this to happen?  Was this our fault? 

Our trust has been breached, which leads to disrespect for our partner.  Disrespect holds a very thin line for dislike.

If our partner was exposed in the lie, then we are forced to consider how long has the lie been going on.  If our partner confessed, there are no perks or special consideration for lying. It could work in his/her favor for confessing; or it can work against them.  Was the confession a smoke screen for a more horrible truth?

Another part of the impact comes with the repercussions, which is actually our responses and behaviors that we now have toward our lying partner.  Now we are compelled to question, and distrust every word, every action, every motive and deed.  We doubt almost everything now. 

There is also the possibility of us carrying “lying” baggage from a previous relationship.  This becomes a force that we must relive again.  Although this has nothing to do with our current relationship, it has everything to do with the relationship, so we are forced to reckon with the whole gamut of one lie.  We are not capable of measuring the degree of pain and how we really feel at this point.  We just know that what we are facing today is a repeat of what we had to live with before. 

All of these feelings put the relationship in a downward spiral, to the point, that there is a lack of sex, distrust, disrespect, disbelief, lack of communication, and even dislike.

The entire relationship takes a hit, just from one lie. 

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About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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4 Responses to Why Do Relationships Fail? Lying

  1. cruzanspice says:

    Just a rambling thought after reading: Sometimes the confession of the lie can hurt more than the lie itself. People tend to confess only because it would make them feel better. They fail to take into account how the confession affects the other person. Is it better to a person to confess or leave it be? I’m not saying that keeping the lie a secret is better. Just thoughts that popped up while reading.
    But you are correct. A lie can have such a powerful impact on a relationship.

  2. Cruzan: You are on to something here. And I purposely did not address this in the post. A confession is more devastating because not only are you being confronted with a lie, but you are also being confronted with the “truth” of the lie at the same time. And with everything else going on emotionally and psychologically, you, as the recipient, can endure pain beyond measure.

    As far as a confession being kept a secret, we all know some secrets are best kept to the grave. The counter productive effects of some confessions impacting many people involved is a disaster, and a confession simply to relieve someone’s soul (if you will) is using truth in a way that will do much more damage than good.

  3. navaara says:

    I do love this piece. I, as most people, have been in many relationships where one or the other of us, or both, have lied. As to Cruzan’s observation, I was in a relationship where it would have been better just leave than for them to offer the truth where there had been a lie for so long. The pain might not have been as severe on me, but I know it took me a long time to trust what a man was saying to me after that. I feel, I guess what I am trying to say, is one must determine if it is better to come clean, completely clean, or if it would be better for the person to just walk away without inflicting more pain. Yes, the other person will feel pain at their leaving, and probably some doubts about the relationship, but in my scenario, I kind of knew something was wrong, I just wasn’t facing it until he put it right in front of my face. If he would have just said we weren’t meant for each other, he wasn’t happy, whatever, it would have been better for me. So the liar must determine if his/her lie is enough to tear the relationship apart; do they want to stop lying; is coming clean really worth hurting this other person, and then why.

  4. Cristina Reyes says:

    Perfect to my husband.

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