Many of your differences as a couple do not have to be the dividers of your relationship. Not all differences are dividers, but they are not actually building the relationship either.
You can bridge the gap of your differences, providing you share the necessary foundational commonalities. Your relationship should not be a pull and a strain for the most important belief systems that drive you everyday.
What can we do with those differences? You can bridge the gap with innovative solutions that just may work for you! Working the differences to your relationship’s advantage can bring some very unpredictable and surprisingly pleasant situations.
For Example. Your partner is ranting about you coming home late, and you did not call. Rather than get upset, try to identify the areas of vulnerability as to why your partner is upset. Perhaps you caused him or her to feel disrespected or slighted. (Sometimes seeing the vulnerability in your partner is a turn on.) In understanding this, and after listening to the concern, you can look seductively at your partner and say, “Baby, I hear what you are saying. You are right. I should have called to tell you I was running late. I’m sorry……..Now you can choose to take this further, but if you do, you must sex me first. Then we can resume this conversation”.
(Now, you might be thinking, is sex the answer? Well, folk pay for it don’t they? Folk even sex for it. Pimp for it. Yearn for it. And some work for it. Why not let it be a temporary deterrent to a stormy moment?)
While you are sexing your partner, hold tight and make it so good that thinking will be very difficult for him/her to do. While you are kissing, ask how do you solve the problem? Let the situation create an edge to your lovemaking. Squeeze tighter, passionately and grind deeper. Then say, “Oooo.. I will definitely call you when I am going to be late. I can promise you that. I’m sorry Baby”.
Now that is definitely working it out!
One of you is a thrifty and the other is a spendthrift. Spendthrift can work this situation into a profitable win. Seek counsel and a budget from your thrifty partner on how to save money for a quarterly shopping spree, a trip, a vehicle, bike, or something you really want.
Don’t know how to swim? Your partner does? Make an appointment for swimming lessons! Your partner can be your teacher.
Is it because of you that sex does not happen regularly in your relationship? Since you are coming up short, your partner can propose that you host a crazy, sexy, romantic evening; or you must fulfill a fantasy. You both can determine the frequency of this deal.
You get the idea.
It is your partner’s night to do the dishes, but he/she is trying to trade the chore with you for another night. Make it worth your while. Do you like deep massages, and your partner is very good at giving them? Bargain for a one hour, hot oil, deep erotic massage. Together you can decide which night will be massage night. Do the dishes and get your erotic massage.
Do you have a partner who is a stickler for time management, to the point, where even YOU have to schedule one-on-one time? Okay. Make an appointment to meet by the fireplace, or in the living room, for your must obey command!
Women: Need the garage cleaned? Make your partner a deal he cannot refuse. Offer to do something crazy, and make it something you will enjoy doing. Make a deal, that if he cleans the garage, you will strip on the back patio when the sun goes down. Men are visual creatures. You won’t be stripping long.
Men: You want more sex? I dare you to masturbate in front of her. Tell her to meet you on the couch for a show she won’t forget.
Bridging your differences takes a little thought, an open mind, a few angles, consideration of your likes, dislikes, and a willingness to talk and work towards a common place. Think! Have fun!
Either way you are working your differences, and interacting consistently. You are communicating, creating options together for possibilities of resolution, adding a variety of ideas for sex, while having a few adventures. Your differences are becoming workable strategies that will have you at the bargaining table bartering for something you want. Plus you can make some fun dares along the way.
This was a VERY good read and action plan (LOL) as to working with differences in a relationship. I can only say not everyone understands the use of a bargaining chip.
Some women who see sex (in its various forms) as a chore, would never see where offering that one thing would make a difference. The quote from that would be “…you should or want to do it anyway”. Men, who are tired of the constant battle have less incentive as we know the promise will be something that is never or rarely fulfilled.
Of course that brings the biggest “relationship destroyer”; When either partner feels or can show how even in trying to do better, or worse doing what is asked and the same lack of FEELINGS occur from the other.
The “bargaining chip”. Not sure in which number sequence that would be that the relationship is truly over but I’ll give it a thought.
Wow! Very profound response!
Interesting use of the emphasis on the word feelings. Feelings; the demonstration or lack of demonstration, can be very misleading or very telling. So, when in doubt, this is where we go back to the bargaining table, put the bargaining chip in the middle of the table (if you will) and seek for a direct answer for clarity, on what are the feelings really saying, and what do they really mean? The bargaining chip does not have to be mentioned in the conversation. Its very presence on the table speaks loudly enough. Our question for understanding of our perception of demonstration, or our perception of the lack of demonstration of feelings, is warranted and very necessary.
I really appreciate the feedback you have provided!