What is the deal with controlling someone? Controlling has so many layers of destruction and it has no limits. Some of the tools of control are manipulation, invasion, lying, and conniving.
There are different reasons for controlling your partner and your relationship. We see it all the time. You have a desperate need for something a person can offer. You are afraid of being alone. Or you feel so desperately in love with someone you must have them under any and all circumstances. Usually, you have worked levels of manipulation prior to entering in the relationship. So, how do you maintain this type of relationship? More control!
Controlling requires manipulation. In order to get the desired results, you have to maneuver the situation, data, people, information, etc. In order to manipulate a situation, you must also lie to ensure the end comes out in your favor. So now, you are a liar and cannot be trusted.
You will do and say whatever you feel you must do to get what you want.
Your levels of manipulation gets deeper but you justify it all the way. Convincing yourself to believe that what you are doing is necessary when you know you are working against the natural flow of things. Instead you are forcing a situation— for someone to love you. You will only get a part of that love, and you will eventually find out you really do not have that. Now you have lost touch with authentic love, by tampering with what you are so busy trying to control.
Authentic love is the affection that a person has for you, only you and because of you. Just because of you and who you are. The object of your control could actually love you as a choice, rather than a manufactured situation with you resulting as a default, rather than being in love with you. You are merely a default you have created through manipulation, because of the elimination you have created of everything and everyone else. This will only last for awhile.
What is for you will be for you. You should know this, but you are driven by your insecurity and desperate need to make someone love you. Regardless of what you may think you cannot control the heart.
You are also being driven by fear. If fear was not a factor, you would just be you, do you, and know that what is for you– will come to you. So fear is using you. (You really need to “control” your fear factor.)
For example, perhaps, you are a woman, and you intentionally become pregnant to lock a man in. If he is a good man, you have it figured out that he will most likely settle down with you. He may, but there is a high percentage that eventually, he will be creeping around with the one who has his heart. You will only have his body. And if you enjoy sleeping and living with the remnant of the man—then that is all you will have. Someone else is getting all of the genuine articles of that man. Oh, by the way? All of this is your fault.
Being controlling takes you to levels of privacy invasion. You start breaking into your partner’s phone, voice mail and mail. When does the control factor become a violation of privacy of another person? Everyone deserves his or her privacy. Now your partner is under social surveillance!
You are breaching levels of trust, where you will not be able to repair once you are found out— and you indeed will be found out. The end of the relationship is only a matter of time.
Invasion of Privacy is, “the intrusion into the personal life of another, without just cause, which can give the person whose privacy has been invaded a right to bring a lawsuit for damages against the person or entity that intruded”. http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/invasion+of+privacy
You are also violating the Fourth Amendment, “…every person has “a subjective expectation of privacy…that society accepts as objectively reasonable” which allows us to control our autonomy, dignity, and serenity, including the right to conduct “personal activities without observation, intrusion, or interference,” as determined by “established social norms.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-rohde/do-married-couples-have-a_b_803841.html
Your manipulation behavior is now treading criminal activities. When the truth of the matter is you cannot control anyone, but yourself.
WOW that’s all I have to say….. This was very insightful. I have a few of these people in my life..
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