Scenario: Is Jealousy About Love or Is It About Your Deficiency?

We are simply not taking the responsibility in order to correct the problems in our relationships.  With all of the technology, the texting, email, 24 hour phone access we are not addressing the real problems.  Instead we perpetuate the problem by letting our emotions get the best of us and it is the emotion that creates another problem in the relationship, still leaving the original problem unsolved and where everything has stemmed from in the first place.

Consider a jealous partner.  No one can become too friendly.  No, let’s change that, no one can be friendly with your partner.  This causes you to get jealous.  You have feelings of jealousy that comes from your inner thoughts of what you think you see, not the reality of what the situation is.  Rather than observe someone interacting with your partner and seeing a side of your partner outside of the relationship, in order to learn something different about your partner, you feel slighted.  You feel slighted because the conversation or interaction is between your partner and a person of the opposite sex.  You feel slighted because you really have a feeling of not being acknowledged as the partner— perhaps.  Or maybe you have been acknowledged, but the involved dialogue of exchange between your partner and a person of the opposite sex hits your self esteem.  You feel short changed or not involved, because your position of being the partner of the partner by which you are jealous is not enough.

It is not enough, because you feel that what you see is not the same reaction you get when interacting with your partner.  (Yet, he/she is with you, and will walk away with you after the interaction.)  What you really feel is a deficiency within yourself.  It is a deficiency because somewhere, and only you know where, you are not providing 100% to get the reaction you feel your partner is giving to someone else.  Within your heart, you know you are not giving your partner your very best, because if you were, you would feel secure in that and would know you are giving the very best of yourself in every aspect of the relationship.

Instead, you brood and observe.  Feeling what you believe is true.

Are you really jealous of your partner?  We can say your jealousy “appears” to be some form of love, by having your partner thinking there is enough care in your heart in order to incite jealousy.  

So, in this scenario, the jealousy is not really about how much you care for your partner.  That is only a very small fragment of the problem.  (And I could debate that it has nothing to do with this problem.)  It is really about what you are not doing with and for your partner.  Rather than provide and nurture the needs of your partner, you view every interaction outside of your relationship as a situation that causes jealousy. 

When all you need to do is fix yourself from having these feelings, by doing all that you need to do in order to create enough happiness in your relationship, to the point, that no outside exchange can create these feelings within you.

So, in truth, we can conclude that jealousy is not about the love you have for your partner.   We can also conclude that jealousy is really all about you, your insecurity, and selfish needs.  So your selfishness and lack of love are the real problems you need to face. 

Rather than see the truth of the emotion involved in your jealousy, which is really your problem, you put your problem on your partner and create an uncomfortable situation to the point your partner either feels badly about your “so called feelings of loving jealousy” or he/she is annoyed at your rantings or your brooding silence and knows indeed it is your fault why you are jealous.

Jealousy is all about your deficiencies.  Fix Yourself!

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About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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2 Responses to Scenario: Is Jealousy About Love or Is It About Your Deficiency?

  1. cruzanspice says:

    I may be guilty of this. But I also think on the other hand, there are those partners that go out of their way to incite the feelings of jealousy. Good read 🙂

  2. Hello Cruzan! Very true and very insightful! If a partner has to “incite” feelings of jealousy, it implies a deficiency in the display of love or the intimate connection in the relationship. There is no need to make your partner jealous, when you feel loved, nurtured and emotionally supported. I love your comment. Thank you for sharing!

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