Intimacy is the touching, the talking, conversational agreement, the passionate disagreements, the involvement, the hugging and playing, the camaraderie, togetherness, and sitting close together on the couch or in a restaurant. It is the foundation for the feeling of closeness.
Without it, you have nothing. No communication. No closeness. No good love making. Nothing.
Intimacy is about sharing yourself. You share yourself by being open about your past, future, your hopes, goals, feelings, worries, and yes, even your fears. In doing so, you begin to learn more about each other, and when this is done regularly, it builds synergy and further insight of each other. It builds understanding, and understanding reduces some of the arguments and conflicts that occur in a relationship.
A man, by the name of Reverend Michael Young preached a sermon back in 1965, called, “The Human Touch: Who Needs it?” “We need to share ourselves with each other as surely as we need to breathe. But just as surely, that sharing cannot be accomplished on a merely verbal level. What we need to communicate is more primal, more basic, than language.
You have perhaps heard of the nursery babies who die without the human touch, who need only to be played with, handled and cuddled to survive. Recent experiments with baby monkeys, even, indicate that without the physical intimacy or mothering they do not develop properly. Those completely starved of touch, die.” http://www.uucpa.org/sermons_09/sermon090503a.html
The truth is, if you and your partner do not have intimacy, you are not a couple. Your relationship is not “developing properly.” You may appear to be a couple. You may look like a couple. But in the four walls of your home or house, or in the parameters of your relationship and the time that you spend together, you have nothing. There is an emptiness and a void. Only a fragment or some resemblance of what you once were as a couple. Perhaps it is the past memories that are holding you together, in order to not face the reality of what is. Most likely you started your relationship with intimacy. You lost something along the way.
Once the children are gone, what do you have without intimacy? One thing is for sure; children move on and live their lives. And while your life is caught up in theirs, you and your partner (whether married or a couple in a relationship with children) will eventually have to face each other— alone.
If you are touching each other, making eye contact, and play fighting (that is always a fun thing) engaging in pillow fights, laughing together, sharing a glass of wine together (yes, both of you drink out of one glass— do not knock it before you try it!) and sharing showers together, you are building and maintaining a close relationship.
Intimacy makes room for more. The more we share our thoughts and feelings, the more we give. In sharing we are actually giving. Giving a broader portal of insight and knowledge about who we are, which defines why we are. It takes true character and courage in disclosing our fears; and it is in “shared” vulnerability where a deep connection is made.
It is important to understand, when we expose any level of vulnerability, it is to be met with love, tenderness, respect and care. When one partner opens up in this way, the response should be met with vulnerability as well. The balance of vulnerability is the key. No one partner should do all the sharing. Both partners need to share this type of self disclosure.
Intimacy is an equal sharing of tender and loving moments.
Oh! Make no mistake. Intimacy is the foundation of fabulous love making. Open up, indulge and enjoy your partner! Enjoy yourself by unraveling the layers, step by step of who you really are. You just may learn a little something more about you! What do you really have to lose? You? That you can never do.
Intimacy is an Absolute Necessity!