How Many Second Chances?

How many times does your partner have to mess up before you end the relationship?

We know what messing up is.  It is the problems we make, because of the actions we take.  You keep mistreating your partner, you are creating problems, and putting stress on the relationship. And after your partner gets totally tired of a bunch of nothingness, or the bare minimal of what you provide in the relationship, he/she gets fed up, and ends it.

You have messed up.

When should we leave a cheater?  When should we leave someone who is so angry you cannot get close enough to them to build a peaceful bond? How long do you stay when your partner is damaged goods and won’t trust you, because partners before you have destroyed his/her trust?  A partner who is detached from the relationship is not investing him/herself in the relationship. A partner who is not sexually involved is not sharing in the necessity of intimacy.  A partner who is cynical, mostly negative and have some bitter views on life is most likely not positive, and will not have a much better view in and about the relationship.

The number of times you allow for mess ups or second chances varies from couple to couple, and person to person. It has, in part, to do with your tolerance level, patience and the love you have for your partner.

Some folk look at the love of God and try to do the marathon of love to hold on in a relationship.  Not quite as effective.  There are too many variables.  You have only one life to live which is a timed cycle.  You do not have the love a God has; neither can you really comprehend the depths of what that really is.  You are always to strive for it, but certain powers the Gods have, mortals, whether spiritual or not, will not own those powers.  Love is one of those powers.  You also cannot know the heart of your partner to determine how much endurance you need to put up with being unhappy.  Your partner’s free will is an uncontrolled variable. If he/she is not ready to improve, your life’s time cycle, is waiting on the hope of a change.

The point is, if you choose to wait on your partner, your life and time depends on your partner.  Are you really living your life?

Do you have that kind of time in your life?  It is your call of course.

As you know, we have a tendency to stay longer than we should.  We stay until relational damage reaches a point of no repair.  And a lot of emotional damage has been done to us in the meantime, to the point, that moving forward into another relationship is quite difficult.  The baggage from the prior relationship is carried into the new relationship.

A part of growth is making mistakes.  A mistake is an act with no intent to harm anyone. That person is somewhat blind to the ramifications of the damaging results, and unaware that what he/she is doing is wrong.  A mistake should not be repeated again.

You repeat the same mistake. You know better.

If you see your partner is really trying, and making significant progress, to do his/her part to improve the relationship without fail; and if your rational analysis and heart is saying stay, why not trust yourself.

If your partner is always in the “trying” to do better state, but providing more lip service than action, it is most likely a little voice within you is saying, “This relationship will not work”.  If you cannot let go right now, you should prepare yourself for a painful future. And be prepared for when you get good and tired, you will have been emotionally beaten down.

If the relationship is causing you to distrust yourself, and blocks your ability to make decisions that were originally easy for you, why are you there?  The core of your being is being stripped down in the relationship.  If your partner continually takes you for granted, and you feel alone most of the time: you can be alone, without being in a relationship.

Your life is on count down.  How much time do you have to waste?

About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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3 Responses to How Many Second Chances?

  1. EARL says:

    We should not think of it as time lost or wasted, but time spent understanding our own strengths and weakness concerning our need for affection. We do not need a woman or man to validate or existence but the need for bonding is something that cannot be ignored nor overlooked. The investment put “into” the relationship is the value of how long you try to stay in it.

  2. Awesome insight Earl. You are correct. Time is a precious commodity, often times we take too much time in hoping and waiting on variables we cannot control, like love returned, or behavior or emotional investment from our partner. If our relationship is moving progressively then by all means your investment is paying off. However, if you need love and bonding, but are not receiving what you need, it would be beneficial to make the choices that helps you to truly live and love going forward. We wait to get out, often way longer than we need to, resulting in us being emotionally unstable for the next relationship. Anyone who takes their experiences and work through them, without emotional damage, will be a stronger and more loving individual.

    However, we should be cognizant that despite our best efforts in the relationship to love and bond without reciprocation, time is of the essence in you living your best life. Life is precious!

  3. Liz Willis says:

    I don’t need to state how insightful this blog is. As always, Natalie you bring to life key points in which we need to delegate in our lives/relationships. “You can be alone, without being in a relationship”. That is very true! As the old cliche goes, “I can do bad all by myself”. We don’t need our partner to dictate and initiate the negative in our relationship. What good is a help mate, who does not help? That is definetly a relationship “don’t”, and a relationship destroyer!

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