Who You Mad At?!

We are angry!!!  We are angry at the struggle, angry at dumb folk, angry at being disrespected, angry at politics, history, our mothers, fathers, children and our partner.

There is no need to define anger, because we know what it feels like, what ignites it, and what it can possibly do, should it not be controlled.  Let’s bring it closer to the pain of the matter.

Anger is suppressed and unresolved pain.

It is layers of pain we have not dealt with, and it accumulates, making us easily angered, frazzled and frustrated.  Depending where we are on the anger scale, it does not take much to set us off, so when the attitude rises, the anger reigns.

Anger is impacting our relationships, to the point of destruction.  We put our anger on our partner, rather than opting to figure out and work out why we are so angry.

Taking care of our emotional system is critical, because it is the very core of our being.

A situation arises that provokes our anger.  Rather than logically work it out in our head— we rant, become frustrated, maybe even brood about it, but we fail to resolve it.  So we store it!  This makes us emotionally unhealthy.

Storing, and suppressing, is taking our anger levels higher and higher.  Anger is more than just an attitude, it is energy.  Energy is not removed; it is simply transferred.  It builds to the point, that when someone pushes the wrong button; all we see is black, and when we come back to the light, we have said something severely painful or we have done some serious irreparable damage.  Anger is definitely controlling us at this point.

Who are you mad at?  Where did it all begin?  When was the first time you got angry?  Remember the origin of your anger, and from there you can trace back to the problem that pushed you on the path of wrath.

Anger starts and ends with you.  The pain you originally experienced you will need to work it through.  If not, anger will be working you.

You control mostly everything in your life.  Yes, you do.  Either you use the “Locus of Control”, or you generate the results in your life by the laws of attraction.  Should something not go your way, you can create a workable resolve you can live with. Just keep working that angle and shape it to what you really want.

Look at conflict as a simple disagreement that can only become intense when you start yelling, stop listening, and you are demanding to be heard.  When it comes to conflict, there are dozens of ways to resolve it; but you must calm down, get your listening skills on, and talk about your feelings in a way that is forthright, constructive, and truthful.

Expressing your feelings put you more in touch with yourself.  Denying your feeling hinders you from knowing yourself, while denying your  true expression.  If you are hurt, it is okay to say so.  You are being held hostage by anger in holding back your feelings, not expressing them.

A feeling without logical explanation may not be worth having. If you cannot intellectualize why you are feeling a way, then why do you have it?  If you cannot explain why,  there is no logical support for your feeling. Being driven by emotion is not a productive way to live.  It is emotional suicide.

Your anger does not make you appear stronger, you only appear helpless; regardless of how violent you may become.  Your strength in anger is what we may fear, but you, on the other hand, is who we pity.

If you feel vulnerable in expressing your pain, please know anger is exposing your vulnerability also.  Why not keep it real, and say how you really feel?  Do not hide pain behind the anger.  Allow the pain to come forth and deal with it, constructively.

Childhood pain is one many of us were a victim to. We had no control over our lives as children.  (This is the only time we can claim being a victim.)  If your childhood is one facet of your anger, know that if people knew better they would do better.  Iyanla Vanzant explains this beautifully in her book, “In the Meantime”.

Whatever part of your childhood you did enjoy, keep that in your heart and live that life.  Let the other part serve as a painful example of how you will not live again.  Let it be a gauge, not something that ignites your rage.

If a family member has caused you pain, call him/her and tell them.    You might not want to look for an apology.  If you expect it, you may not get it.  Do not argue. State the pain.  End the conversation.  If they provide an apology fine— if not, to hell with them!

Minimizing anger happens by revealing pain.  Harboring pain in your heart breeds the anger.

After you minimize your anger, then you can control it by channeling it.

Do not be held hostage by an emotion!  Take control of yourself and your life!

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About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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One Response to Who You Mad At?!

  1. Pingback: Making a Difficult Conversation Easier | A Visceral Life

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