If you are keeping up with the “You Need a Fire” series, then boosting your Listening Skills is not a surprise to you.
In order to be a dynamic individual and a fantastic partner, the art of listening is a necessary skill. Being a good listener can be downright sexy! Especially if you work it! If you work the listening skill, you will become a walking sealed vault of confidential information, because folk will find it very easy to talk to you! When you get to that place, you are working the art of listening!
Listening creates a chain of positives in the relationship: understanding, better familiarity of your partner, and more of an open communication that keeps building.
Listening is most effective in these ways: listening— by a verbal perspective, listening— by observing the body language, and looking your partner in the eye while feeling the vibe.
If you put all of these messages together, you will be able to not only hear where they are coming from, but also feel where they are coming from.
As a skilled listener, you have your own aura! You are cool. You are at ease and patient. Your body language says you are fully engaged in the conversation. You are not rushed, nor do you make certain responses that only “appear” to be listening like, “umm-hmm, yeah, ok” etc. (When using these words in continual duplicity and repetition, you appear to be fake and not interested). Your attention is not divided and you will ask questions— mostly only when necessary. You will validate your partner with an occasional repeat of what was said. You will also be able to interpret what your partner is trying to convey. All of these listening behaviors are indicators that you are really involved.
Your partner will open up to you, because all we really want is to be heard. Why else are we talking?
You are not selectively listening. Meaning, you are not choosing what you will listen to. If something is said that may be offensive, you make a mental note, and address it somewhere during the end. Getting the full story is more important than getting defensive. Defensiveness is a hindrance to listening. Reason being, you must draw up your defensive response and you cannot do that and listen at the same time— at least not effectively and undivided.
Last, but not least! Touch your partner while he/she is speaking. You can lovingly touch their thigh when validating a point. Fix an upturned collar. Sit right next to him/her on the couch, and get really close. Maybe even take your finger and outline the tip of her breast. Or lean into him with your breast on his arm while you cradle his hand between your thighs.
Have fun with your refined skill of listening!