The War of Love

With tears streaming down my face, I am listening to one of Marvin Gaye’s biggest hits, “What’s Going On.”  I am deeply touched by this song, regardless of how many times I hear it.

The song: Marvin Gaye, “What’s Going On?”

The history surrounding Master Marvin writing this timeless and powerful masterpiece is a soul wrenching one.  The song is about hatred, politics, war, and all the while, Marvin is beseeching for understanding.  

“Talk to me…. so you can see, oh what’s going on…”

If we were the decision makers, most of us would never vote for war.  We would find a way to talk it out, work it out, compromise, or barter.  We would avoid violence at any and all cost.  If we could not come to an agreement of sharing our country’s goods and services, we would agree to part ways, and live as neighbors peacefully and respectfully. You work your borders and I will work mine.

Wouldn’t we?

But are we declaring war in our relationships?  What wars are raging within our 4 walls?  What wars are raging in our souls?

We’ve got to find a way to bring some loving here today…”

We need understanding and we need to either love each other, no- holds-barred: or agree not to share our goods, divide, leave, and respectfully live peacefully apart. 

“Tell me, tell me, yeah, what’s going on. Alright.”

We stay in the relationship, and literally put each other through real unadulterated fuckery, or we do just enough that resides within our 1’x1′ comfort zone.  We will stay in that little tiny box, give out a bunch of nothingness, and expect a whole lot.   

We have this need to be comfortable in the relationship. And that comfort is costing us boredom, a limited love life, and a mundane existence.  Not to mention we are simply tolerating our partner.  Why?

“We’ve got to find a way, to bring some loving here today.”

Is it because being with someone is better than being with no one?  Is it because we fear being alone?  Are we that lonely?  Where is the love in all of this? 

Is it about the money?  What is wrong with your money? Are you not self reliant?  If this is the case, you are a hostage in your own war. Shut up and put up. I am sorry.

Some of us think life is about normalcy.  What is normalcy?  Really!

So, we choose war.  That is exactly what it is.  We want your goods (heart, mind, body, love and soul) yet we are not willing to put in the work, but we are willing to fight you for it.  Oh, and we will wreak havoc and misery in your life with our unyielding demands.

“War is not the answer.  For only love can conquer hate.”

We will fight for your love, even though we could do without it.  We will also fight anyone who wants your love, even though they just might treat you better.  So we engage in the “he/she is mine” illusion.  If we don’t want you, no one else can have you!!!  

“Don’t punish me with brutality.  Talk to me so you can see…”

We are too miserable to stay and too scared to leave.   

There is a saying, “All is fair in love and war.”  And here we are dead smack in the middle of a war— the war of love.  And love does indeed take prisoners.  Every relationship that ended poorly renders a prisoner of love’s past.

The prisoners are those who have been wounded from a broken heart.  Their trust has been breached because someone mistreated them.  Some one mishandled their heart. They will never love again. Some will be alone, never to be the same again.  Others resolve to never give another person a chance.

And in the name of “so called” love, we are creating a fearful society.  One-broken-heart-at-a-time. Some are too afraid to feel for another person again, and too fearful of being involved again. 

Their eyes are tired of love, and their heart is so weary, that they cannot identify love.  If they did see it, they would not trust that it is love:  because they do not trust their heart to make the right decisions regarding love anymore.

The solution is, let go and live. Let him go. Let her go. Agree to move on in life, respectfully and peacefully. You both deserve at least that much.  If you do not love that person, have some dignity. Don’t have a fight to say goodbye. Do not do a bunch of nothingness to say goodbye.

Know that letting go makes room for someone to love you in the way you deserve.  Know that you are blocking your own blessing of the love you want by holding on to what you do not want.

Say goodbye, as best you can.  And look forward to a life of what you deserve.

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About dontdestroyrelationship

I am passionate about Relationships. To be in a Relationship you need skills. Some of the best skills to have are: a creative perspective, strategy in developing a win-win for both sides, be able to speak and receive honest communication, stay persistent, yet calm in conflict, some negotiation skills, and humor. These skills and more you need--- without emotion. If you have logic as the primary and emotion as secondary, there is nothing you cannot overcome in a relationship. I tell you how you bring destroyers into your relationship. Join me! It is a fascinating and revealing journey.
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One Response to The War of Love

  1. Liz Willis says:

    Oh! This was another great read! Once again, you manage to expound, while thoroughly explaining the importance of collaborating a succesful relationship.

    As you stated, say goodbye the best way you can. It’s wasted energy to initiate the negative, thus allowing the breakup. There is definetly someone else for either of you. Let him go, with dignity and class. Allow her to go the same. Someone else could use that deserved love. Get down off the cross, somebody else needs the wood!

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