How frustrating it is to live a life where being combative is normalcy in a relationship. Combativeness comes into a relationship when the couple has been engaging in competition.

Some experts believe a little competition is healthy. This may not be entirely correct. In the article, “6 Signs Your Relationship is Competitive” http://www.today.com/id/18682317/site/todayshow/ns/today-relationships/t/signs-your-relationship-competitive/, one of the most powerful statements in the article is, “If you’re always striving to be the winner, you may wind up being the loser.”

The relationship loses, because the spirit of togetherness becomes convoluted with the spirit of rivalry. Rather than working towards compatibility the relationship is slowly dividing, as the couple becomes combative in competition.

Competition can only be healthy when both partners are working and accomplishing in synchronicity, singularly and primarily in the groove of achieving individual goals. It’s like pumping up with a goal getter boost. That should be as far as the competition goes, but competition does not work within parameters or restrictions. It permeates through mostly everything. The competitive spirit begins to cause rivalry when the goals are achieved by one partner, and not the other. If one partner’s goal is achieved first, this could become a problem in developing the mentality of who won and who lost. This type of competition is not about “We won, because I won.” It is only about “I won, and you lost.” There is nothing healthy about this.

It is very difficult to balance the spirit of competition. All competitions are based on winner and loser. Someone must lose and someone must win. Otherwise, it is not a competition. The relationship should be more about leveraging and combining all talents and knowledge to contribute to the couple’s “together” goal that is financially and relationally rewarding.

Even the conversations become more combative and challenging. Rather than having conversations that are about sharing and engaging in intellectual content, the conversations become more about, who has the highest level of intellect. Rather than contributing to the couple’s knowledge database, the combativeness takes over and creates the condescending thought of “I know, and you do not know.” This creates tension and defensiveness. The conversations become limited, in order to avoid conversational conflict. The result is, less conversation. There is nothing healthy about this. This is so far from what great communication is all about.

There is so much competition in the world a couple should have no tolerance for competition in their relationship. There is competition in getting a job, keeping the job, competing against the competition, competing for clients, competing in getting the business; there are family members who you have to contend with regarding this.

Let home be the core for loving, relaxation, easy conversation, while letting your guard down. Home should be the rejuvenation place, not the place for defense. “Home is Where the Heart is.”

Look at your partner and take time to admire his/her abilities. Don’t hate their accomplishments or skills— celebrate! Respect them for what they have done. Sincerely compliment them for what they do. Admire them for not only what they are, but why they are, which makes them who they are. Everyone has a story. You may just find that they could have climbed into a hole from the lows of life, but they gained the strength to climb the mountain instead. Know their story. Know your area of expertise and let them have theirs. Compliment, complement, but do not compete.

Partners are not to be used for egotist’s purposes; neither are they for some self centered self esteem illusional boost. That is your companion. Both partners should be sharing, mostly everything, especially when it comes to communication, knowledge, skills, talents, and know-how. The more you dive deep into compatibility, the lower the risk of you outgrowing each other.

In this economy, it is more financially beneficial in building together. Be smarter, follow the leads of the major corporations. Make your relationship more about mergers versus power takeovers.

Competition creates combativeness, which prohibits compatibility.