The idea of couples sexually fantasizing, aside from each other, have experts talking about whether it is healthy or not. Some experts say fantasizing is healthy. http://www.alternet.org/story/140363/%22weird%22_sex_fantasies,_and_why_they’re_good_for_you. Others say it is destructive to your relationship. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch.
Fantasy is defined as, “Imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained. The forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fantasy
The idea of your partner having sexual fantasies could make you feel he/she is cheating on you. Sexing someone else in a fantasy, unless it is you— and only you— you feel is cheating, even if it is in their mind. You feel you should be the only sexual object in the mind of your partner.
We all know the reason we fantasize is to compensate for the lack of sex and because we are having, “ho hum yarn” sex. The same reason we masturbate. It is possible to theorize that our minds are at work, from the right side (creative side) of the brain to create an alternate sexual solution, because our needs are not being met or are scarcely satisfied.
We should view this as an alternative to remaining physically faithful. Remember we are most likely fantasizing because we are coming up short in the sex department. Most of us have fantasies. Let’s not be judgmental and critical of our partner, when we too have sexual fantasies outside of our relationship. That is hypocritical.
The reason we rarely fantasize about our partner, when we are deprived, is because our partner is the object of the deprivation and limitation. There is nothing sexy about that. So fantasizing about our depriving partner would be the last object we would fantasize about.
We really need to step up our sex game. Being sexy, having sex, and being creatively sexy is the way to be in a relationship. If you are the one holding back the sex, what is the problem? Give it up! Why are you in the relationship if you are not handling every dynamic of your part in the relationship? You can’t be angry if your partner is fantasizing about the woman next door when the pussy he has in the bed is handcuffed. It is too late to be shy. Too late to have hang ups now. You are in the relationship, do what you did in the beginning. Start again. Make it a threesome in your relationship: you, your partner, and sex!
The mind is a very interesting and mysterious place. Consider our dreams. When we have dreams where we are beating up someone, the mind could be telling us we are not dealing with a situation in our conscious life, causing us frustration, and leaving our minds to work it out in our dreams.
When we have suffered a traumatic event, our brain takes us into a state of amnesia; protecting us from an extreme shock, where we have no way of measuring the debilitating climatic repercussions— if we were not being mentally protected.
It is difficult to refute that the mind is actually creating and taking the initiative to work out unconsciously what we are not sexually handling consciously by creating fantasies, in which we are sexually acting out, in an alternate reality (if you will) our desires in which we are not working out in our reality. Another fantastic possibility to consider is our minds are actually being the creator of sexual imagination! We could perceive that our mind is the inspiration to bringing more fun and satisfaction into our bedroom. Who can say it is not?
Work that angle to the max! Continue to allow your mind to flow and create— you just engage, take advantage, and ignite in bringing more spontaneity, more sex and fun into your sexual relationship with your partner. Whatever you both agree on, get it on!
Let’s get specific on the objects of our fantasy. Being creative, in spite of sexual deprivation is one thing. Who we fantasize about and why is another.
The object of the fantasy could be someone you have known intimately or someone you see at a distance. The fantasy in this case may not be about that person specifically, it could simply serve to inspire your sexual creativity. Use this to work in your sexual favor. Do it! Get busy in doing the busy with your partner!
Are we fantasizing about someone else, because we are devaluing the someone we have? Should we encounter a situation where our partner is the fantasy of another, how would we truly feel?
Either way, the fantasy boils down to you. Your sexual mind is screaming for you to be more imaginative in bed. Stop being boring! Even your mind is crying out to you, through picturesque sexual acts!
Take fantasy and rather than engage in some alternate reality that does nothing but keep you from the reality of what could be, take that fantasy and work it into your sex life. Bring the fantasy into fruition.
Remove your inhibitions! Inhibitions are the prohibitions of your sexual progression! Your mind is taking you to sexual places; because it is evident you are being sexually limited. Step out, stretch out and whip it out on your partner. Dive into your mind’s creation and bring that fantasy into your world!
Bring your fantasy into fruition!
Oh yesssssssssss!!! Natalie, here you are again allowing our minds to enter into an extensive fantasy awarness! Your candidness on sex, fantasy, and life in general has been such a breath of fresh air! You always bring into fruition an awareness that should exist, but may not. Please be advised, once the reader has completed your message, the awareness factor exist vividly!
We should definetly remove any and all inhibitions with our partners! It restrains, blocks, and suppresses the true “freak” that may be hiding down deep! We did not posses any inhibitions when we obtained our partner! Now that we have them, it’s best to keep them, and the fantasy! Let’s fantasize together, and light up our bedroom, living room, dinning room, office space, counter top, stairs, garage, and vehicles!!!!! Light it up! Light it up!
Thanks Vitamin, N!!
Haven’t you ever seen a celebrity you thought was good looking and said Uh! and had a thought of what it would be like to be with that person? I think that thought would enhance the pleasure you are having with your partner.
No. I have never done that one Jabbo. Some of the most attractive celebrities look sexy but if a woman looks closely, you can tell if a man can groove in bed or not. Everybody can’t do it like it needs to be done. Whereas I think attractiveness is the drawing card, the groove is where it is at.
I would definitely encourage using your imagination and letting go totally as if you are having sex for the last time— every time to enhance each sexual experience.
And when you “think” you have done it everywhere and have done everything (which you have not there are over 300+ sexual positions—and counting) the next question is not “what” is next, but “how” is next.
Enjoy the sex Jabbo!
What if you are 60yrs old. That person you are with just aint the same. you’ve been with them for decades. There are some celebrity you know you’ll never have a chace with so you fantisize being with them. I think it could help your sex life with your partner. As long as you don’t let them know your mind is on both of them during relations. Even if its that beautiful women next door. I figure, after you tried the closet floor, dinning room table, the skimpy mades outfit, etc. What’s next? As long as your partner don’t know who’s else in bed with you it could be exciting. Don’t slip and say Nat that was great. LOL! Let’s face it, its about satisfaction love.