Sometimes, we find ourselves in an argument with our partner. When all is said and done, what have we really said, and what have we really done? Nothing.
We have all heard the statement in the throes of an argument, from our partner, who says, “Fine. I was wrong. I don’t have a problem in saying when I’m wrong, but you have a problem in saying when you’re wrong!”
What the hell?! That one statement speak volumes! It speaks to a number of emotions that has nothing to do with me— nor the problem. You have way too much Pride. Does it really hurt that bad to say you are wrong? You feel anger, but the admission of being wrong, in its truest sincerity, is not laced with anger. Do I also detect frustration? Are you annoyed that your argumentative position have run out of reasons for you to be supportive of your position? If you have admitted you are wrong, you are in turn admitting that I am right.
Perhaps you are not really saying you are wrong. Are you saying that to make peace? Perhaps you are surrendering to being wrong only to end the argument? Now you have reduced the argument to a marathon? So, he who cannot endure is wrong?
Next, there is your accusation directed at me. You did say to me, “… but you have a problem in saying when you’re wrong.” Your admittance of being wrong have to be about me? Or are you really angry at me for being right?
Either way, the real issue of what got us here in the first place is lost in your emotional upheaval.
Let’s forget about who is right and let’s just get it right!
Must we always wind down to who is right and who is wrong? We are programmed and conditioned to think this way. Think about the conditioning. We have religion vying for who is serving the true God. We have the wheels of justice that executes a system of when the process is over, a verdict is rendered— guilty (wrong) or not guilty (right). There is the battle of those who have ethics and morals against folk who have no morals or ethics. Everything comes down to being right or wrong. We bring these parallels into our bedroom, and execute the system of right and wrong in our relationships. Every discussion is about whose perspective is right and whose perspective is wrong.
Let’s forget about who is right, and let’s just get it right.
In an article, called, “You Are Wrong, I Am Right” http://intelligentchallenge.com/2011/01/16/you-are-wrong-i-am-right/ explores the need we feel to be right and have the other person to be wrong. We will take a position, and hold firm in that position, rather than seeing the other position objectively. Andrew even supports his blog post with the fact that this behavior is one of Western society.
This caused me to think about the pyramids we built in Egypt. The pyramids were built with the highest of intellect and in the spirit of “we.” They were built in a time when we were builders. They were built in a time when there were no other options, but to build relationships and villages. The pyramids reflect the psychology of Afrikan thought— not Western thought. We need to apply this same psychology, which we ourselves have created, into our relationships when in conflict.
Rather than bring the scales of justice into our relationship, let’s agree to see the position of both you and me. Let’s bridge the gaps of our position to build something new and unique. Rather than refute the points we disagree with, let’s make it a priority to explore and find a way to fold into our relationship. The contingency is— we must have logical support in our position— free of emotional content.
When it is all said and done, we should not judge each other. We complement each other by supplementing our differences and unifying our commonalities. As two intelligent individuals, let’s strive for the higher echelon of “us.”
Let’s explore ways to love each other. A part of that comes from us loving ourselves— first. Let’s move away from the mundane relational things of society and move to higher grounds— like feeling each other when we are apart. Can we move away from the average belief system of relationships getting old, dusty and boring, because folk believe the thrill is gone after the newness and the chase is over? Why can’t we make everyday count through appreciation, the demonstrations of our love, the new things we learn every day, the new perspectives we gain, and share this with each other?
Can we create ways to develop more intimacy sexually? There are at least 300+ sexual positions. Can we take our love making to defy the law of quantum physics, where two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time? Can we make love without inhibitions, and hang-ups, while we groove, slowly, passionately, I take the top, where our breathing becomes one breath, and we are sweaty in the candlelight, lost while sexing, then you take the top, taking us to higher throes of ecstasy we have not experienced together before?
And in the quiet times we share, while sipping on our favorite nightcap or beverage, let’s talk slowly, lovingly, understandingly, while holding each other, as to how we can better support and improve our emotional system.
Knowing there is a solution to everything under the sun— somewhere between the sun and us is our solution. Let’s seek to find it.
Rather than focusing on who is right— let’s just get it right!